This morning I awoke to a message from esteemed editor-in-chief/big daddy Papa Joe Thrashnkill asking, “What’s up with Riff of the Week?” Thrice-curse that cape-besotted Masterlord! This time I shan’t spare the rod or spoil the child! So obviously there isn’t an official riff competition today, but we can still party. The Theme: Great Metallica Riffs!

Do you remember when Metallica wrote riffs like the ones in “Whiplash?” Trump remembers.

Do you remember when Metallica wrote riffs like the main one in “Master of Puppets?” Trump remembers.

To help make Metallica great again, let’s remind them of all the good stuff they’ve done. I bet you could even find some quality riffs they wrote on their, uh, more controversial albums. Share those too! Metallica, like the US, can still be great. Sometimes they just need a reminder.

So put your hand on your heart and rise to show your allegiance to the riff. Maybe by reminding Metallica what makes them great, we’ll remind the Masterlord what made him great and thereby kill two ailing birds with one ungainly stone.