Who Is Stealing Your Meta(l)data?
Could it be us? What if we said please?
In an age where all your data is logged into an intangible server mainframe somewhere in Skynet’s anus (the cloud from where tireless modern hero Elon Musk pisses down wisdom to fill our collective think-tanks), the layperson grows increasingly powerless to control who acquires their electronic info. Firewalls. VPNs. Data-mines. Ransomware. Click-bait. Lucid Collective Somnambulation. What do these words even mean? It’s all too confusing. Understanding modern life is a futile struggle, so just give up. One way or another, it’ll all be over soon anyway. Every time you log on, Dr. G.O. Ogle is tracing your eye movements and meticulously mapping-out your preferences to sell to an overweight cryptovirologist named xXxAtom1c_H4iL5_666 operating out of an underground compound in a dilapidated industrial zone outside of Smolensk. And somewhere else, they store his metadata too. Give. Up.
So with all that in mind, we, a site named after a Toilet, are asking you to complete a little survey with your personal data. The purpose? Discussion (*). I just thought it would be interesting for everyone to compare their musical proclivities. You see, there was a discussion a few weeks back where people were talking about how much music they purchase. Some were skeptical that people actually listened to all the music they buy. See the thing is, we all consume music in vastly different ways. Wanna see how your listening habits stack up against the crowd? Answer these few questions, then discuss the results in the comments below. The polling is anonymous so no-one will know how you answered each question, except you. Answer falsely and you will have to live with the deep personal shame forever. Your children’s children will rue their cursed lineage. xXxAtom1cH4iL5_666 will furiously infect your painstakingly curated playlists with mid-2000’s 3rd-tier metalcore bonus tracks courtesy of his recently developed SwoopBot malware. The consequences are dire.
This first series of 12 questions relates to your listening habits. Some will allow you to give multiple responses if necessary. Some won’t. You’ll work it out. You’re an adult. Probably. If you’re under 18, you’ll undoubtedly have no idea what’s going on. Contact the police immediately but don’t speak to them. Instead, tweet about how the Baby Boomers’ collective nonchalance to the ingrained class warfare inherent in the capitalistic system means they’re all fucking traitors who’ve robbed your generation’s chances of a sustainable future. Then answer these questions. Talk about things in the comments section. But please, be sure to do it with an unnecessary degree of hostility.
*= Apparently it’s like yelling at each other, except quietly? I dunno.