Riff ov the Week: The 1:30 on Track 3 of a Debut Edition

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This week’s absurdly specific Riff ov the Week theme is brought to you by Joe.

From inside the locker you hear him roar with laughter. The only light you can see is the glare of the sun off his perfect teeth, shining through the slits and into your crying eyes. Part of you is thankful for the thin metal door between your shitty, bent body and Michelangelo’s David brought to life. The rest of you knows it won’t protect you from what’s coming. The two words that wound more forcibly than even the most atomic of wedgies ever could – “fucken nerd“.

Last week, to the soothing music of a hundred burning butts, he won the contest for atmospheric riffs with Pantera. Read that again. Atmospheric riffs. Then again. With Pantera. Let it sink in. Muse over your enkindled rectum. Melt your desk chair with your ass.

dsadsad

Regardless of how you feel about it, Joe’s first win is a hilarious triumph that will go down in Riff ov the Week history.

Next week:

  • Let’s compensate for today’s specificity with with a no-rules riff-off. Except no Maiden. That rule is eternal.
  • Send your riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your Disqus handle, a Youtube video, the time of the riff, and an explanation.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, let me know. They’re always fun.

 

Masterlord

Vengeance is mine! 1:23 – 1:45.

 

Joe Thrashnkill

Last week I was unfairly accused of having an ace in the hole for this edition. You greatly overestimate me. Instead, I just spent 4 minutes thinking of bands I like and listening to track 3, 1:30 of their debut albums. I decided to go with 1:30 of “Isak” cuz there is kind of a riff there, I suppose.

 

Shrimp in a Pizza Box Maik Beninton

SPB: Machine Head fucking sucks. Their nü-metal era sucked, their more recent albums REALLY FUCKING SUCKED. The only exceptions to this are the first track in The Blackening (Clenching the Fist of Dissent), and Burn My Eyes. If the band had only released that album I would not hesitate to call them one of my favourite bands.

MB: The riff starts at 1:25. Also, Rob Flynn rapping on this song.

 

Dagon

Joe is a tricky bastard. The 1:30 mark is usually when riffs change and at many times it features nothing but a short silence in between sections of a song. This Kylesa song is an exception.

 

Vegglampe

There is too little love for Purified In Blood in this world.

 

Spear

This riff is the perfect encapsulation of a journey through the depths of R’lyeh, growing steadily more alien and discomforting the further in you go. It reaches its final evolution at the two-minute mark when it explodes into the chorus, your mind ripped asunder by the gruesome visage of the Great Old One himself.

 

Hotdog Clifford

It took me an hour of listening to the third song on the debut albums of all of my favorite bands but I finally found a song that actually is more than 1 minute and thirty seconds and actually has a riff at 1:30. I recommend listening to the entire song because it’s a good song.

 

Sir Tapir the Based

Ulver is love, Ulver is life.

 

Howard Dean

This week, I’m expecting to see all manner of random, mediocre riffs from famous and popular debut albums that just so happen to be playing on the 1:30 second mark of the third song. Some of them might be OK, others will largely just be bland. But it will be a classic debut album from an awesome band, so that ought to carry it, right? Wrong. Fuck that. Bring the riffs, motherfuckers. At 1:30 of the song below, Mike Scalzi will snap your neck and melt your face with a righteous heavy metal riff fest. Enjoy, bitches.

 

Lacertilian

After blathering in disbelief that I had a 19 band shortlist for this ludicrous theme, I decided upon this older gem. One of the most fun Sep songs to learn on guitar when starting out.

 

Coolstorybro

Gonna go with “Open Face Surgery,” the third track from Cryptopsy’s debut album. Get your face ground off by the guitar and audible (hey!) bass riff starting at 1:26.

 

MoshOff

When assigned this tedious task, I turned to Down for help.

 

Nordling Rites ov Karhu

Joe’s idea was entertaining, but also meant I wasn’t gonna spend too much time digging around debut albums. This melodic riff starts at 1:30 pretty aptly and I like it.

 

EsusMoose

Starts at 1:27, may not be the version that got on the record but the riffs the same and it hits hard. And Owls>>>.

 

Ron Deuce

Every single riff in “Infecting The Crypts” by Suffocation could probably take home the bacon in one of these showdowns. It just so happens that it’s the 3rd track of off their debut Effigy Of The Forgotten and it starts right at 1:30 just like the rules say. The combination of the drums, riffs and Frank Mullen’s vocals combined give you one of those intense moments that define death metal on the classic albums.

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