Shirt Stains: Born Of Mr. Krabs

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(insert Spongebob Squarepants reference here)

Throwing a well-established cartoon character onto your metal band’s merch can be a risky move. The IP holder could get wind of it and shut you down faster than a Starbucks that’s about to unionize. Being out of some money after already printing the shirts is the least of your problems as a litigious organization may take legal action as well. For touring bands just scraping by, that could be a nail in your coffin. Or you could flip out at a blog for making fun of it. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen. Again.

This is usually where I make some sort of wordplay or some puns involving the character and the band, but I can’t do it. It’s not some creative writing stance or a lack of desire. I have just never seen an episode of Spongebob. Not a single one. Ever. The show debuted in 1999 when I was already in high school and trying to cast away childish things in order to not appear like a total dork. It’s debatable whether that worked or not, but this show, beloved by weird children and weirder adults, escaped my radar. You’ll have to make your own references and portmanteaus combining Born Of Osiris song titles and Spongebob characters. Also, Born Of Osiris song titles and surprisingly generic. Go figure.

Unfortunately, this design is lost on me. I know some minimal stuff about the show, like a few characters names, so that’s something. I’m sure one of you nerds can explain why the zonked-out crab man looks like he just finished an Aleister Crowley parody porn inside a rainbow cage. Hey, no judgement, I just don’t know the context. Maybe that’s explained in the movie or a spin-off series.

The one thing I do know is that Mr. Krabs is voiced by The Kurrigan himself, Clancy Brown. Clancy Brown rules. Anyone that can be in Starship Troopers, Jackie Chan Adventures, and play Lex Luthor across multiple cartoons is okay by me. And Spongebob is voiced by Tom Kenny who was in Mr. Show with Bob and Dave, so that’s cool too. If you’ve ever wanted to hear a children’s cartoon character curse and say wildly filthy things, that’s the show for you.

When you see merch like this, does it make you want to buy it more or less? Is it combining your two favorite things like putting a Wendy’s Spicy Chicken sandwich inside a burrito? Does this video explain things or just make it more confusing? The 2010’s were a weird time.

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