Shirt Stains: Bullet For My Wolfentine

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Scream Aim AWWWWOOOOOOOO.

Since their first bit of popularity, Bullet For My Valentine has been put in the difficult position of being compared to classic British heavy metal bands. A little bit of popularity and music media was ready to crown them the new kings of metal. It reminds me a little bit of the hype that Stampin’ Ground had when they were gaining steam. OMGZ THEY’RE THE NEW PANTERA. Nope. OMGZ CAN BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE  FILL THE SHOES OF JUDAS PRIEST? No, of course not. I suppose it doesn’t help that Metal Hammer splashed a quote from the band saying “We’ll take over for Metallica and Maiden!” Whoopsies!

While that hasn’t exactly happened, the band has maintained a level of success. Good for them. I can’t really tell you how much since I was never a fan and can only name one song. Regardless, they’re still around and they are still putting out merch. I for one am grateful for that latter point.

 

As we all know, wolves aren’t all that badass. They’re even less badass when they’re awkwardly splashed across a shirt’s collar and armpits. It will look nice and blobby on your supple frame. That wolf isn’t snarling. He’s sneezing. The pollen count is really high this week and he needs a Benadryl.

Some may think the blood splatter ups the badassery, but it really just looks like you spilled mom’s spaghetti on yourself. You spilled it so badly that it managed to get on the inside of the neck and shirt. HEY MA! GET THE PEN! MA! I’M GUNNA BE LATE FOR MY SHIFT AT THE GABAGOOL FACTORY! WHY THE HECK IS THE V IN “VALENTINE” BLEEDING OFF THE SHIRT? MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I assume that’s supposed to be the back of the wolf’s head on the back of the shirt. It’s kind of hard to tell. It could be a pile of dust. Maybe it’s a crow’s butt. Good ol’ Crow Butt For My Valentine. If that was their band name, they’d be bigger than Maiden, Metallica, and Priest combined. There’s still time guys, that’s all I’m saying. It’s either Crow Butt For My Valentine or MAAAAAAAA! I SPILLED MY SPAGHOOT AGAIN!

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