This Toilet Tuesday (5/12/15)


You feel like you’re going crazy, but you swear the happenings of the last week haven’t been in your head. It seemed innocuous at first; cold drafts in the middle of the day, finding objects in places you could have sworn you hadn’t left them, and the occasional bump or creak. These sorts of things are normal for an old house, though, and your hectic workdays have left you a little scatterbrained. Then it became more malevolent. You cleaned your bathroom last Thursday and found the toilet filled near to the brim with rancid manure an hour later. Six new rolls of toilet paper were torn to shreds and scattered around your house on Friday. A fresh fecal odor hangs on the air throughout your house, and no amount of air freshener will mask it.

It all started around that time you were browsing a forum for amateur horror writers last Wednesday. You’ve been on a horror movie kick lately, but had never read a story and this seemed like a good place to find recommendations. Most of the stories were trite and predictable, but there was one that stood out to you, a short anecdotal piece that seemed almost fervently honest. A piece that spoke of a nightmare born in secret of malice and filth, a creature who only shows itself to those who know of its unholy existence: the Babadookie. You thought it was just a story at the time, but recent events have been a little too real for you. You try to come up with a reasonable explanation for everything when you are startled from your musings by a tremendous flushing sound from above you. The only toilet in the house is on the first floor. Shaken, you grab a flashlight and go up to the attic.

You cast your flashlight around the room. Everything seems in order; there’s not much to hide behind up here. You turn around to leave when you see a shadow move in the corner of your eye. You whip around quickly, flashlight held aloft. What you see makes you want to scream, but you can only rasp out a dry cough. A tall, skinny manlike creature stands before you. His body is wrapped in a long coat, obscuring all but his long fingers and his face. His slimy brown skin seems to be dripping from his body, his black eyes bulged, his mouth twisted in an unnaturally wide grin full of rotten teeth. You drop the flashlight and bolt down the stairs and towards the kitchen. You throw open a drawer and grab a knife. Before you can turn around, you feel a hot, wet hand on your shoulder. It turns you around slowly; you are too fearful to move. The creature is bent down, its sickening grimace inches from your face. You try to escape, but its grip is surprisingly strong. Snaking its long fingers between your lips, it pries your jaws open. Its body stretches out as though it were rubber and it begins to slide down your throat. The taste is horrendous; your body tries to expel it, but you can only choke as it makes its way down. As the creature’s feet disappear into your mouth, you can feel it taking over. Helpless, you watch through eyes that are no longer your own as you walk to the toilet, stick your head in, and flush. Your body contorts as his did, dragged forever into the murky depths.

The toilet will consume you. Fear it. This is Toilet Tuesday.


Metsatöll – Pummelung (Spinefarm Records) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “Pummelung”

You have two ways of creating folk metal: go for the cartoonish beer’n roll, berserker battle metal or go for the conservative traditional usage of regional instruments to make the melodies. Estonian metallers Metsatöll are known for being a powerful brethren that plays with the last example. While the metal bouncy feasty rhythm of Pummelung, the preview song of their new EP, can be uplifting, it’s the inclusion of flutes, kannel and torupill what gives it a whole new texture, and, of course, the sing-along chorus with the exotic inflexion of Estonian language. If you like melodic folk metal with stone-natural vibes, I recommend it to you! (Link)

fire of the north

Varang Nord – Fire of the North (Metal Scrap Records) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “As Men Poured Ale,” “Blood For Blood”

On the other spectrum of folk, the battle metal of Varang Nord strikes like a furious pack of angry warriors searching for fights, beer and beef. With a more direct and punchy approach to the genre, Fire of the North is a record to crank if you need massacre anthems of pagan might with a harsh voice and chanting drunken . The galloping guitar/bass tandem is accompanied by a pounding drum that exarcebates the fighting, headbang and the medieval vibes of the songs. Recommended if you like to have some Amon Amarth, Thurisas and Finntroll on your library. (Link)

fuck the fist

Fuck the Facts/Fistfuck – Fuck the Facts/Fistfuck (split- PRC Music) [Grindcore]
Listen to “Skid Etiquette” (FTF), “Posigrind” (FF)

Canadian grind warriors Fuck The Facts beat you up real good. I gave you a heads-up before but now it’s become reality. We all love FTF, we all loved their Abandoned EP last year, and we are all pleased to hear that this split does not deviate from it’s quality. What it does deviate from is the weedilies and skronk-ness found on Abandoned for neither is really to be heard on either of these streaming songs (here’s a soundcloud only stream of Nukestalgia from the EP). Fistfuck on the other hand… well, pretty much exactly the same words can be said. Quality grind you must check. (Beargod)


Bathsheba – The Sleepless Gods (Svart Records) [Doom]
Listen to “The Sleepless Gods”

Svart Records releasing quality doom? No way man. Belgian bath-addicts jointly known as Bathsheba are releasing an EP of heavy and melodic doom and if you dig heavy or riffs or melodies or fuzz you should check it out. Unless you’re a poser who opposes all things slow, in which case you’ll be listening to this and dying by my hand. Unfortunately the vocals feel a little unfitting at times. (Beargod)

earth's disease

Void Paradigm – Earth’s Disease (Apathia Records) [Progressive Black Metal]

Let’s face it: the slowly shifting, groove-oriented approach that many djent bands rehash relentlessly isn’t a bad idea in principle. But when every band recycles the same tired ideas with the same stupid Axe-FX tone and their same tank tops, it sucks. Luckily, Void Paradigm are not even close to a djent band, so their use of punchy, broad, odd-time grooves is anything but cliché. That sexy bass tone locks right in with the kick drum, and the guitars and vocals are free to meander through fresh tonal ideas and vitriolic rage. Then without warning, the trio will blast through a black metal verse, slow back to a sludgy, ugly crawl, then crawl through a quiet, haunting clean section. To sum up, this album employs ideas from all across the metal spectrum, and in truly refreshing ways. When I sit down to wrestle with my year-end list, I expect this to be a contender. (Stockhausen)

fucking gnomes bruh

Those Darn Gnomes – The Years (Independent) [Avant-garde Death Metal]

I’m a sucker for the “avant-garde” tag. I’m also a sucker for monstrous white-boy fros, but that’s another story. Those Darn Gnomes live up to their genre with amorphous riffing, captivating vocal variety, and tonal exploration. Throw in some eclectic instrumentation, fuzzy, mid-range guitar tone, and excellent sectional variety and you have yourself an album that challenges listeners in important ways. I love straight ahead, kick-in-the-chest metal as much as the next guy, but there comes a point where we as music consumers should ask ourselves, “Ok, what else is there?” Then the universe will lean down and whisper back, “Gnomes, bro. Those Darn Gnomes.” (Stockhausen)

holy shit giant deer

Antlers – A Gaze Into the Abyss (Vendetta Records) [Black Metal]

This is the forest primeval, an ecosystem in a state of primal balance. There are the hunters and the hunted. Life feeds on life, and the cycle coils forever onward, subject only to the whims of the eldritch gods who carved this alien landscape as a sacred temple wholly separate from the contrivances of modern man. Antlers reign supreme in this pantheon, doling out harsh justice to unwary interlopers in the form of chthonic growls that reek of aeons of rot, electric bolts of blackened riffs, and austere, stately drumming. This is a testament to the wild, dangerous, foreboding, and captivating. FFO: Agalloch, This White Mountain, Drudkh (W.)

aeon of the shadow goddess

Forgotten Horror – Aeon of the Shadow Goddess (Woodcut Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Behold a Shadow Goddess,” “Babalon Emissaries”

Forgotten Horror seem to be summoning an arcane, unspeakable evil on this album by applying a catch-all cultish approach of twisting all things magickal into one sonic ceremony. It’s a strange approach that at times makes “Behold a Shadow Goddess” sound as though the band is just throwing every idea they have at the wall in hopes that something sticks. Surprisingly, between the choral chants, Tool-esque rhythms, and blackened shrieks, it works. This is a strange album that doesn’t hit as hard as some other black/death releases this year like Desolate Shrines, but some of you are sure to love it. FFO: Nile, Blood of Kingu, Desolate Shrines (W.)


Corpse Garden – Entheogen (Satanath Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Portal to the Oneiric,” “Suspended Over the Abyss”

I’ve been waiting for this album since last September when “Suspended Over the Abyss” dropped and when it was still going to be called Ecdysis (before some other band got theirs out first). Their slightly more melodic take on OSDM ideas combined with that oh-so-sweet fretless bass playing had me hooked from the start. “Portal to the Oneiric” sealed the deal with its big chugging central riff and whirlwind fills. In short, it was totally worth the wait. (Spear)

Alcoholator – Escape From Reality (High Roller Records) [Thrash]
Listen to “Cursed by my Thirst”

Alda – Alda (Sickmangettingsick Records) [Folky Black Metal]

Amputory – Ode to Gore (Xtreem Music) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Enslaved in the Basement”

Angmaer – Towards Darkness’ Paradise (UKEM Records) [Blackened Melodeath]

Ars Irae – Dunkle Klänge (Quality Steel Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Dunkle Klänge”

Black Talon – Endless Realities (Wasted State Records) [Thrash]
Listen to “Lunatic Fringe”

Burstin’ Out – Outburst of Blasphemy (Heavy Forces Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Speed Hounds From Hell”

Chains ov Beleth – Christeos Chaos (Satanath Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Black Wings Spread Wide”

Curse Upon a Prayer – Rotten Tongues (Inverse Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Rotten Tongues”

The Dead Goats – Don’t Go In the Tomb (Arachnophobia Records) [Death Metal]

Deathkings/Rozamov – Deathkings/Rozamov (split- Midnite Collective) [Doom]
Listen to “Solomon” (Deathkings)

Ebony Wall – Time (Onevision) [Power Metal]

Exotheria – Angels Are Calling (Underground Symphony) [Power Metal]

Exussum – False God Evolution (To the Head Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Bodies in the Bog”

Groteskh – CODE: END (Cursed Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Delusions of Immortality”

Grotesque Deity – Bloodrealm (Infernal Devastation Records) [Death Metal]

Hyperwülff – Volume One: Erion Speaks (Taxi Driver Records) [Death Metal]

Hypothermia – Svartkonst (Agonia Records) [Post-Black Metal]
Listen to “Efterglöd”

King Parrot – Dead Set (Agonia/Housecore) [Grindcore]

Luciferian Rites – When the Light Dies (Moribund Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “When the Light Dies”

Metalmorphose – Fúria dos Elementos (Urubuz Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Vá pro Inferno”

Munarheim – Stolzes Wesen Mensch (Independent) [Symphonic Black Metal]
Listen to “Stolzes Wesen Mensch”

Nightmare World – In the Fullness of Time (Pure Steel Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “In Memoria Di Me”

Obsequiae – Aria of Vernal Tombs (20 Buck Spin) [Black Metal]

Omnia Malis Est – Viteliú (Hidden Marly) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Viteliú”

Orakle – Eclats (Apathia Records) [Progressive Metal]
Listen to “Aux éclats,” “Humanisme vulgaire”

Rage Darkness – Engine of Misanthropy (Independent) [Death Metal]

Retaliatory Measure – Levels (Independent) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Perdition”

Signum Regis – Through the Storm (Ulterium Records) [Power Metal]

Solis Occasum – Unholy Faces of Dead (Hass Weg Productions) [Black Metal]

Soulsteal – Tenebris (Independent) [Djent]
Listen to “Focus on your Beasts”

Spite – Trapped in the Pentagram (Iron Bonehead) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Desecration Rites”

Terrordome – Machete Justice (Defense Records) [Thrash]
Listen to “Back to the ’80s”

Veil of Maya – Matriarch (Sumerian Records) [Djenty Deathcore]
Listen to “Mikasa”

Vinegar Hill – Monophobia (Independent) [Melodeath]

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Images VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, and VIA)

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