Tired of Goats? Here’s a War Metal Album about Dinosaurs

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I’ve never seen a more boner-inducing genre label than “Prehistoric Metal of War.” That is extremely my fetish appealing to me on every level of my being. I’ve already gone on record about my deep, abiding fetish for fascination with big ol’ leather-daddy dinos, so there’s no need to re-tread deeply rutted cretaceous soil. But when my pals in Thecodontion reached out to me about their new big ol’ leather-daddy dino WAR METAL demo? Fuhgeddaboudit. Can anything be more appealing than bass-driven Ross Bay-baitin’ pleistocene debauchery? No. Get in on these striations at the ground floor or be forever encased in a hunk of amber like some insect wimp.

Thecodontion is a brand new war metal duo extolling the virtues of the terrible, raw-meat guzzling and savage bird-humping lizards that once roamed and ruled this world. “Surely you jest, ” you mutter to yourself as you twiddle your oiled mustache and read this sentence from your dead-dinosaur-fueled-electric-grid-powered computing device. “No band is that cool!” Well, dear reader, I don’t, and they are. The brand new, four-track demo from Stilgar (bass/lyrics) and Heliogabalus (vocals) is the real, splayed-hip and primal hunger deal. From the mosasaur’s mouth:

Aesthetically and lyrically we focus on prehistoric creatures, fossils, dinosaurs and geologic periods and we try to convey these concepts through music itself too, in fact we call our music style “Prehistoric Metal of War”. Every track on the demo describes a different genus of thecodont (which were reptiles similar to crocodiles and dinosaurs’ ancestors)

If you don’t think that’s the coolest got dang thing you’ve ever read, I and my inner child declare you lame as hell and forever banish you from this blog. You don’t deserve something this cool.

But in case you didn’t grow up with oddly erotic dinosaur posters on your wall wanting to be a paleontologist and instead had dreams of doing something lame like marketing optimization or traffic engineering, here’s a little more incentive for you to hop on the Dino Train to Bonesville.

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Yeah, you hear that right. That raw, rugged bass riffing dripping with erotic prehistoric pheromones, those tortuous but oddly sensual pterodactyl rasps, and that funky, caveman-bangin’ drum-clangin’ is just what the doctor ordered to de-lamify your life and get you hip to the old sound of sleaze. It’s everything you could want in metal – big ol’ crunchy riffs, earth-shattering lower end, and enough aggression to make their chief inspirations in Antediluvian and Ride for Revenge to run like cowardly sauropods – and there ain’t nobody doing it better than Thecondontion.

Basically, Thecodontia is this but with more prehistoric goth gfs and big bangin’ lizards and booze and sweat and steel.

 

Four tracks. Boiling oil bass work. Troglodyte drumming. Screeching from another age. A whole lotta hard rockin’. That’s what Thecodontia offers you.


Note that the Thecodontia tapes on Bandcamp have already sold out, but you can still pick up a digital copy there or snag one from the Gravplass Propaganda store here.

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