Washington Think Tank with W.: What’s heavy?

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Thank you, little worker bees, for your industrious and insightful answers to my question last week. Your responses were quite informative, and I appreciated the humble candor. However, you can’t stop progress, so my Illuminati handlers associates and I have another question for you. Please turn your attention to this new endeavor and serve your country like a good taxpayer.

Today’s Question: What’s heavy?

As fans of heavy music, I’m operating under the assumption that you are better equipped to answer this question than anyone else. Lately, I’ve found myself exploring more diverse forms of heavy music and indulging all sorts of weirdness. There are definitely elements of noise, folk, and ambient soundscapes in some of the bands I have most come to enjoy lately. However, each of these bands typically falls under the umbrella of heavy music. So, what makes a song heavy?

Do driving double-bass rhythms and blast beats make a song heavy, or do only caveman rhythms get your head banging? Are drop-tuned guitars heavy, or do you need a blistering chromatic run to feel the pressure? Do guttural growls crush you, or do you need visceral shrieks to be reduced to pulp? Does a wall of sound reduce you to a quantum singularity, or do you like to hear every little fiber in a rich tapestry of music to truly appreciate the heaviness? What does it for you? What do you think is heavy?

Sound off in the comments below.

Don’t know what the Washington Think Tank is? This is a weekly column where your former President poses a pressing question and allows the top minds at the Toilet ov Hell to investigate his query.

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