Record Store Day 2016: Every Punk & Metal Release Ranked DANKED
Your guide to every punk and metal release for Record Store Day 2016.
This year, like every other year, hordes of vile nerds will form pungent queues outside of your favorite record store to celebrate the grotesque annual ritual of conspicuous consumption and obsessive collector disorder known as Record Store Day. If you choose to join the masses on this day you will need some help; it’s gonna be a clusterfuck of people hunting for the choicest gems amid hulking piles of garbage vinyl. As a public service, I have ranked the records you will most want for this year’s Record Store Day, just as I did last year. These rankings are highly scientific, and as such, not open to debate.
1. Brujeria – Viva Presidente Trump
In advance of their first full-length in 16 years, Brujeria is releasing two new songs just for everyone’s favorite short fingered vulgarian and fascist prick, Donald Trump. This 7″ will be available in quantities of 250 across four different colors, red, white, green, and black. With Trump in a commanding lead for the Republican nomination, what the country needs most is to come together and mosh to a Mexican death metal band that will threaten to brutally murder him.
2. Death – Vivus! : Dividium Live In Eindhoven
This live recording of a 1998 Death show captures one of the last concerts by the band. The Sound of Perseverance had just been released and Chuck Schuldiner would meet his very untimely end just three years later. Vivus! : Dividium Live In Eindhoven will be a must-have for any Death superfan.
3. Various Artists – Judgment Night OST
I’m not positive that anyone on Earth has actually seen the film Judgment Night, but the soundtrack left a lasting scar on the psyche of popular music. Every track on this album is a collaboration between rap… and rock. Though this record is indirectly responsible for untold musical atrocities in the late 90s, many of the songs contained here still go stupid hard. For the sheer volume of bounce riffs, the Judgement Night OST is a must have.
4. Candlemass – Epicus Doomicus Metallicus
Epicus Doomicus Metallicus, the debut from Doom-gods Candlemass, is being pressed as a picture disc for Record Store Day. This pick loses points for the poor audio quality of picture discs, but gains massive points for being absurdly rare. Only 300 copies will be printed.
5. Gwar – Scumdogs of the Universe
Last year, Record Store Day gave the deluxe treatment to Gwar’s 3rd LP (which McNulty very, very sweetly gave me. Love u bb). This year, they’re doing the same for Gwar’s sophomore album, Scumdogs of the Universe. This album is a watershed moment for the band. In addition to the introduction of characters Sleazy P Martini, Beefcake the Mighty, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Jizmak Da Gusha, Sexecutioner, and Slymenstra Hymen, Scumdogs also features one of the band’s most beloved songs, “Sick of You”.
6. MDC – This Blood’s For You/ Millions of Damn Christians
Last year RSD released Smoke Signals, MDC’s weird and awesome second album (which McNulty also sent me. He’s the fucking best, you guys). This year, you can pick up MDC’s third LP. This Blood’s For You is notable for the band continuing to embrace leftist causes with weirdo punk tunes while shying away from their previous moniker “Millions of Dead Cops”.
7. Jay Reatard – Blood Visions (10th Anniversary Edition)
This reissue of sadly departed Memphis punk Jay Reatard’s first solo record comes with a bonus 7″ of Blood Visions demos and more snotty garage rock attitude per square inch than any other release this year. Hammer, we miss you.
Long before turning into a distortion-drenched indie rock band, Hüsker Dü were once a fierce hardcore act. Legend goes that they were signed to SST by impressing the mighty Black Flag with their chaotic and louder-than-hell live show. This 7″ showcases some of the lesser-known tunes from this early era of the ‘Dü.
9. Cancerous Growth – Hmmlmmlum…
Beer City is reissuing hmmlmmlum…, the second and final LP from Massachusetts hardcore/thrash unit Cancerous Growth, nearly 30 years after its initial release. Fans of vintage knucklehead crossover should consider tracking down a copy.
10. Nevermore – The Politics Of Ecstasy 20 Year Anniversary Reissue
This 20-year anniversary reissue of The Politics of Ecstasy marks the first time this Nevermore record is available on vinyl. I have nothing bad to say about Nevermore because I do not want to alienate half of my writers and readers.
11. Anthrax – “In The End”/”Antisocial”
This 7″ features unreleased ‘thrax track “In the End”, as well as a cover of “Antisocial” by French metal group Trust (<- this is a JAM). It could be good?
I have no idea who was demanding that Saxon reissue their 16th(!) studio album, 2004’s Lionheart, as a picture disc but here we are. This record isn’t without a jam or two (the title track and “Witchfinder General”, notably), but unless I’m underestimating the number of Saxon obsessives in the United States, this probably doesn’t need to be pressed in a quantity of 1500.
13. Clutch – “Mad Sidewinder”/”Outland Special Clearance”
This 12″ contains two unreleased tracks from the band’s latest record, Psychic Warfare. Depending upon your propensity for yelling “CLUUUUUUUTCH”, you’ve already decided if this is something you need or not.
14. Jethro Tull – Too Old To Rock ‘n’ Roll: Too Young to Die!
I know exactly one fact about Jethro Tull: they beat Metallica for the very first Heavy Metal Grammy. Which brings us to…
This live album will make a perfect gift for Metallica completists. Y’know, guys that loudly proclaim their love for metal but haven’t listened to a new band since 1994.
16. Sex Pistols – Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols
Congratulations on your new-found interest in the Sex Pistols and good luck with your new-found acne.
17. The Faction – Yesterday is Gone
This is notable for one of two reasons: (A) Yesterday is Gone is a completely transcendent record or (B) Legendary pro-skateboarder Steve Caballero played guitar on it. You pick.
18. Iron Maiden – Empire of the Clouds
As much as it pains me to rank Iron Maiden so low, Empire of the Clouds is a shameless cash grab. Side A is 18-minute track “Empire of the Clouds” from last year’s over-bloated The Book of Souls; side B is just an interview with Bruce Dickinson. I know Bruce has airplane payments to make, but this picture disc is a jam sandwich; two pieces of bread jammed together.
19. Deftones – B-Sides & Rarities
Go ahead and buy a double LP of Deftones B-Sides. You’ve already loudly and incorrectly rationalized that Deftones somehow weren’t a nü-metal band, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Right?
21. Killswitch Engage – Define Love
I’m not allowed to say anything bad about Killswitch Engage, lest 365 Days of Horror physically assault me.
22. Anti-Flag – Live Acoustic At 11th Street Records
I don’t care how much you loved Anti-Flag in junior high, you’re a grown-ass man. Save your money for the kid’s college education instead of blowing it on angsty acoustic versions of “You’ve Gotta Die for Your Government“.
23. Puscifer – V is for Viagra
Please quit giving money to Maynard James Keenan. It’s clearly only encouraging him to pursue a project that only a handful of Tool-obsessives have somehow convinced themselves is worth their time. This picture disc features nothing but remixes of V is for Viagra. If you really want to listen to “COUNTRY BONER (DISCO VIAGRA MIX)” you deserve everything bad that happens to you.
If you love whiny post-hardcore for eunuchs, consider picking up this limited edition record featuring live audio from a documentary DVD release.
25. Metal Urbain – “Panik”/”Lady Coca Cola”
Today I learned that Metal Urbain was a French punk band from the 1970s that were notable for being exceptionally irritating.
26. Linkin Park – Road To Revolution: Live at Milton Keynes
I tried so hard to make a Linkin Park joke, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.
27. Halestorm – Into The Wild Live: Chicago
I have no idea what this band sounds like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
28. Rob Zombie – Everybody’s Fucking in a U.F.O.
The powers that be expect 5500 consumers to purchase a 10″ disc of John Travolta in Battlefield Earth ripping off Primus as hard as he can.
28. Bring Me The Horizon -“Live From Maida Vale” 7″ Picture Disc
I’m pushing 30, these words mean nothing to me.
29. Five Finger Death Punch – Got Your Six [Limited Edition Picture Disc]
If only B-Dubs Bro was still alive to see this.
An EP of remixed tracks from the latest KMFDM album by folks like Jimmy Urine of Mindless Self Indulgence. I’d drink the liquid out of a glow stick before listening to this.
Otep Shamaya describers her band thus: “OTEP is an art project/band/movement/revolution; Breaking ground, breaking rules, breaking barriers. Articulate. Aggressive. Pure Adrenaline. ARTCore of Heavy Mental Rock”, which is an exceptionally pretentious way to describe nu-metal.
31. Atreyu – The Best of Atreyu
It’s kinda fucked up that Victory Records would ship 2000 blank double-LPs.
32. Disturbed – The Sound of Silence
Some dildo at Warner Brothers decided that 3000 people would want Disturbed’s terrible cover of “The Sound of Silence” (both album version AND instrumental) featuring the terrifying 12″ visage of DAVID DRAIMAN and his stupid piercings. No wonder the music industry is doomed.
Record Store Day is Saturday April 16th. Check out the full list of releases here. Please note that I’ve heard rumor of additional RSD releases from Down, Mötörhead, and more, but they’re not on that list so your milage may vary.
BONUS! Non-metal records that look awesome:
