And Now, Eight Songs By Bands Named ‘Toilet’


Flush your mind clean with tunes from these clever commode callsigns.

There’s a limitless supply of potential band names out there. You may say something during a casual conversation one day that has just the right cadence, oddness and number of syllables, you may take a line of dialogue from your favorite movie, or you may spend months thinking and overthinking on the right pairing of two basic, simple words that perfectly describe your one-man electronic wub gazepunkcore project.

Alternately, you can say “fuck all that lol” and name yourself after the porcelain fixture you just took a shit in.

So let’s hear from eight bands who did just that, plucked from the murky un-plumbed depths of bandcamp itself.

Sounds like: A horrible Weezer cover band made up of stoned Walgreens employees.
FFO: Stabbing yourself in the ear, being a fuckslap, Weezer demos.
Rating: 2/10

Sounds like: A very lonely high schooler and his 4-track had an afternoon free to either record this or torture small animals.
FFO: Wes Anderson movies, budding serial killers, wearing someone else’s face.
Rating: Avoid/10

Sounds like: Godsmack and RATM hung out on tour bus and made a song about pooping.
FFO: Mountain Dew, lyrics that say “give us your turds.”
Rating: Tribal tattoo/10

Sounds like: Someone finally finished torrenting themselves a copy of Fruity Loops.
FFO: Kraftwerk, pressing the “Demo” button on your old Casio keyboard.
Rating: 4/10 (extra point because keyboard demos are the shit)

Sounds like: Hey wow this is actually cool, gritty punk. Fuck yeah Human Toilet.
FFO: I’m not too knowledgeable about punk so, uh… Black Flag? I have no idea.
Rating: 8/10

Sounds like: That one weird dude at Guitar Center who’s always fiddling with the old Moogs.
FFO: Aphex Twin if he really really sucked, pointless bleep bloop noises.
Rating: 4/10

Sounds like: The winner of a local battle of the bands contest because the drummer is a judge’s son.
FFO: College radio, three chords, jangly cutesy flushable pop-punk.
Rating: 3/10

Sounds like: The worst of 90s alternative radio that’s just so eclectic and self-aware about pop culture, man.
FFO: Lyrics about Cheech & Chong and Scooby-Doo, flannel shirts, awful fucking music.
Rating: Fuck off/10

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