FINAL DAYS to get a SIQQQ Toilet ov Hell Shirt


Big things are afoot for your friendly neighborhood Toilet. Buy a t-shirt and help us achieve something no other toilet themed metal blog has done before.

In 1978, Timothy “Tim Allen” Dick got popped at the Kalamazoo airport with a pound and a half of cocaine. His plan to offload the yayo on an undercover cop didn’t pan out and the Tool Man faced life in prison for trafficking just an ungodly amount of blow. Rather than fighting the case or accepting that he done fucked up, Tim Allen turned over and snitched on 21 dealers. Those poor bastards would end up doing hard time while Tim got off with just two years in the clink, a reward for his effusive tattling. Despite his snitchy ways, Allen is still something of a conservative hero among the drunken uncle corners of the Internet. I’ve yet to see fans of Home Improvement or Last Man Standing discuss Tim Allen’s cocaine conviction or the unconfirmed allegations of dog raping that have circulated certain podcasts. For these reasons, we decided to do an extremely limited run of Toilet ov Hell t-shirts featuring the mustachioed mugshot of Buzz Lightyear.

Proceeds from these shirts will be used to print and ship Toilet ov Hell stickers to each and every person that gives us dough on Patreon, the reward we set for the $500/monthly goal. But what’s the deal with the Patreon, anyway? Why don’t you take the dough from there to spend on stickers? Great question.

The money that our wonderful Patreon subscribers give us is socked away, untouched in the account. We’re getting really, really close to a magic number that will allow us to legally register TovH as a worker co-op. Soon we will be able to distribute the monthly Patreon loot among active writers without incurring enormous tax penalties. In other words, Toilet ov Hell writers will get paid based on their work. Crazy stuff, right? I’m still figuring out some of the details. If you have experience setting up a worker’s co-op I’d love to hear from you. But I believe we’re onto something very, very special. The future is ours.

Buy a shirt and help us live the dream. Then watch this brief Tim Allen documentary.


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