Friday the Mailmanbroteenth


You are Mailmanbro’s good friend. Your ravenous appetite for physical media from far away places is good for his job security. Yours is a symbiotic relationship. Sure, some day Mailmanbro is going to slaughter you and everyone else on his delivery route and bathe in your blood because he resents having to work for a living–but until then you’re golden.

July’s installment of The Adventures of Mailmanbro comes a bit late because I was busy not working on it. And I still kinda don’t want to. So let’s get right to the metalhead porn, yeah? (Beware: a couple of these images are actually pornographic.)

E(legant) G(azing) G(lobe) opens up the show this month with a very tasty-looking cassette from Spectral Voice, an explosion of color from Wintersun and some vinyl by some band who should just give up now because they will never ever make it.

Perennial reader (who eternally refuses to upload a photo to his Disqus account) FROZENGOATSHEADUPANUNSARSE comes in hot with CDs by Possessed, Terra Tenebrosa, Testament, Annihilator and more. Looks like he recently vacuumed his carpet, too.

LIZARDTILIAN snatched a “slightly ill-fitting” shirt from Úir, whose unreadable logo gives the Opeth O a run for its money. Also: music from Execration and a shirt from Adrift for Days, which is probably also slightly ill-fitting. (You’re a lizard; deal with it.)

Sweetooth0 continues to worship both quantity and quality with assorted merch from Carpenter Brut, Sabbat, Nine Inch Nails and Vio-lence, just to name a few.

Noah S. scored CDs from In Human Form and Suffocation. (Note the conspicuous placement of that Sleep lighter, which may or may not be part of the haul.)

OG reader nbm02ss joins the party with the Bible of Skronk (sometimes referred to as Gorguts‘s Obscura).

Antoine D. readies that boring old couch for a pure metal orgy with shirts from Brutality and Sentenced and CDs from Contaminated, Ritualization, Manilla Road and more.

(Paddlin’ Rites ov) KARHU assures me that Vaasankatu SS is not a nazi band, “more like a drinking band”. He also hauled some vinyl from White Derp Death.

SPEAR adds more Wintersun to the punch-bowl, along with CDs by Venom Prison, Without Waves and some others I don’t recognize. Oh, and a weird guitar painted to look like it’s smaller than it actually is.


Jake H. committed Sewercide. Badum-tsss.

DUMPSTER LUNG went a little nuts this month, hauling in assorted merch from various Dan Swanö-related projects, Mutilation Rites, Ulver, Carpenter Brut and some band called Municipal Waste that we have definitely never seen in this column before.

When Municipal Waste fired a metric fuckton of merch out of a canon from outer space, WIZARDFACEKELLY was lucky enough to catch some of it.

DECAPITRON shows off his cassette-stacking abilities and his devotion to the Synth Life with tapes from Vogel, Occams Lazer, Deadlife et al.

EDWARDO ventured deep into kvlt territory with Absum and a Tukaaria/Volahn split. Did he make it back out alive? Has anyone heard from him? Someone go check on him. And stop by Subway on the way back; I’m famished.

SLIPJACKTHEWANDERER, also with a clean-looking carpet, brings us visions of Radiohead‘s first weird album and the mighty Below.

JIMMY McNULTY (who is this “O’l Dusty” person?) just figured out that Iron Maiden is cool. Also, that lamp could use a shade, just to mellow-out the room.

Someone put a Grok in LEIF BEARKISON‘s sock. Also featured: Tomb Mold and Volahn.

HANS. What is this, smut? Oh wait, no. It’s Maggot Heart. The vinyl is rad enough, but that shirt. Woo doggy. I want one, but where can you even wear such a thing without people staring at you disapprovingly/lewdly? I don’t know what those two things are down at the bottom, and it doesn’t matter, because up at the top we’ve also got Black Cilice on CD. This is the money shot.

Duke L. rips some serious hell with not one, not one-and-a-half, but two shirts from Hellripper. Worship the goat. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

RICHTENSTEIN fails yet again to take a clear picture of his haul. This is a shirt from 1476. Off to the right is a CD from L-XIII which came with the shirt and which you totally can’t see and which was totally not supposed to be in the shot.

That’s it for this month. I feel like it was a lot. Was it a lot? If you’d like to participate in future installments of this column, find out how to join the Toilet facebook group and ask around. K? K.

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