Warning: I’m on a soapbox and it’s going to be vulgar. Do not read this to your kids, or if you are going to do so please bleep out all the swears, ok? Let’s do this.

I’m not a vegetarian, I’m not a vegan; but I respect both parties. My diet is currently around 66.6% vegetarian and over time I have been increasing that number incrementally. Having said that, I am 100% an animal lover. For every 100 animals I meet, only one is a total dick (it’s usually a bird – sorry Rolderathis!). Reading about / seeing anything related to factory farms makes me so fucking irate it’s not even funny. If you’ve ever met some goats, cows, ducks, dogs, chickens, cats, pigs, you understand that it is Unfathomable [Ruination \m/] that we have given a collective “okay do what you gotta do but just don’t show me the behind-the-scenes of your operation” to factory farming. Humans are literally the worst animals on the planet when it comes to us picking-and-choosing what we deem acceptable for the shallow reasons of “it tastes p gud”. We put our red-blooded brethren through literal Hell (since “Hell” isn’t actually real, but a construct of our ancestors’ collective imaginations) for inexpensive and “delicious” food. Beyond all the existing travesties of the world, this is just the icing on a really shitty cake.

…That smol release felt gud…

Any time you can substitute plant-based meat, you owe it to yourself, the planet Earth, and our sweetiepie animals to do so. Beyond Meat, Impossible burgers, The Very Good Butchers, and all the other plant-based meat companies are literally doing the Lord’s Work (again, construct). I do not give a pissing shit if you “just enjoy” the taste of steak or chicken or pork, the traditional versions of them can be eliminated from your diet without a ton of work (though it might cost a touch more). This is Flush It Fucking Friday, please join me:

GOOD: Beyond Meat and all the other companies who aim to eliminate, or severely reduce, factory farming. I cook a lot of food for a lot of people, and every time I do I try to reduce the amount of animal murder approval required to prepare a delicious meal. When I go to Burger King, I choose the Impossible Whopper. White Castle – the Impossible Slider. Companies have become amazingly accurate at reproducing the flavor of beef, enough so that I’ve incorporated their retail solutions when cooking at home. One can even purchase a bag of Beyond Meat “crumbles” (frozen section) which are an amazing substitute when cooking “copycat” Taco Bell menu items.

Pictured above are Beyond Meat brand burgers (obtainable at any full-fledged grocery store) which, when cooked on a charcoal grill, yield amazing results. These juicy, smoky, and robust patties would fool – I’d wager four out of five – nay-sayers of plant-based meats; but if they didn’t fool a person they would easily sell said person on the idea, just from the great flavor and texture. Sure the flavor is a little different, it might taste BETTER (IMNSHO); but certainly not worse. I have friends who claim to be “unconvinced” and still prefer beef-based burgers; and I call them “folks who don’t want change”. I believe that if a given human being were to completely transition to Beyond or Impossible burgers, he/she/they/[insert pronoun here] would start to quit missing the taste of dead-animal-based meat over time and embrace these new flavors! It’s like eliminating soda from one’s diet, you don’t miss it after a few months. One of the main reasons we enjoy flavors is because of historical context: “this steak is good because it tastes like other stakes I’ve eaten in the past.” Well fuck that shit: change is inevitable, whether we like it or not. Life changes and we all get to deal with the consequences! …Old man yells at cloud and all that.

Anyways, don’t take my word for it: take it from my son Marcel, a carnivore (Body Count \m/). This grumpy, old fuckin’ boomer (with a heart of gold) cannot tell the difference between sweetie-based meat and plant-based meat when offered scraps of “people food”:

 

BAD: factory farming.

UGLY: humanity being completely complacent about factory-based farming. Apparently none of those consumers have ever met a goat, pig, cow, dog, cat, bat, duck, alligator, etc. It shitting sickens me to my core 🙁 These animals are our friends!

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Here’s the reason why you visited the link, a fully-prepared and delicious Beyond Meat burger, with a side of home-made fries using an air fryer:

That’s my recipe for greatness: sliced tomatoes, chopped fresh onions, bread and butter pickles, ketchup, and mayonnaise. You could also add cheese, if that suits your tastes, but I never do because cheese is such an egregious flavor that it usually eclipses the taste of the other ingredients. You do you though, and if that means adding cheese, I recommend thick slices of Kerrygold brand Dubliner cheese or Kaukauna sharp cheddar cheese spread. And yes, I do plan on composing several cooking articles in the future, as I have come to love it.

That’s my Fuck [Factory Farming] Flush It Friday, flushers. Let’s see yours. Oh, and here’s a quick summary of only a few of the things you’ve missed this week:

Speaking of glorious animals:

Nature is Beautiful (Vol. VII – Mamma(l) Mia!)

How about some Rot ov the Void?

Premiere: Void Rot – ‘Liminal Forms’

Some p amazing stuff from I, Voidhanger:

Album Review(?): Neptunian Maximalism’s Eons is an esoteric, expansive odyssey unlike any other

Do you like your metal as BLACK as the oil Idris Elba’s car?

July Roundup: Bhleg, Silver Knife, Cirkeln & Armagedda

 

LOVE ANIMALS. LISTEN TO EXTINCTION. BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER. ???