Make Mailmanbro Great Happy Again!


The last time Richter did one of these, Mailmanbro was a walking sad react, and it broke my heart. Mr. or Ms. Mailmanbro (Mrs. if we’re lucky) has one of the most important duties known to mankind! Who else is going to ensure that music distributed on our new favorite medium will dock with your new fancy tape players? Are you really going to tell me that you can live without a physical copy of the new Fozzy CD? You definitely can’t purchase NSBM albums on Bandcamp, because all your friends will see your shameful secret on the daily e-mails, so only physical will do. And our favoritest person in the wide world is gently presenting these gifts at your doorstep each and every day (click thumbnail for larger image)…

**I want you to enjoy yourself at the maximum level of enjoyment whilst you view these, so do me a favor and stab “play” on this here excellent song. What I present to you, “Swim to the Moon” (by Between the Buried and Me) is an 18 minute romp through a variety of heavy metal styles the manages to simultaneously be the most cohesive abnormally long song by BTBAM and also the most progressively over-indulgent in their catalog.**

Aaron Beard

Spirit Adrift‘s sell-out album, very noice.

Aaron’s got some rill cool stuff. Can’t really think of an effective way to make fun :/

Aaron paid me a large amount of money to hold on posting this article until he was able to submit to me his last photo. I s’pose this album is going to increase his street cred by at least 4 points.

Celtic Frosty

Ole’ Frosty has turned a few of these patches into a cool vest, if I’m not mistaken. Bug him to show it to us.

John Perrier

John Perrier wants to tell everyone to “fuck off with your music shit, I want to talk comics!”.

Ted Nu-Djent

Nice bangwagon jumping, Ted. Did you just discover Ozzy Ozbourne?

Save it for the Dad Rock Discussion. (Is this a Dad Rock band? I’m just assuming by the looks.)

Hey everyone, Mastodon‘s still cool.. right? Yeah! I hear the new one contains all the psychedelic stuff that Emperor of Sand was lacking. Can somebody fuse those two albums together? The end product might be somewhat listenable!

Ted don’t fuck around. These clothing items let you know it.


I bet these are all Finnish… and therefore rule.

Tom Waits is a good. I bet those other artists are neato mosquito as well.

What a sexy album cover. It’s at least twice as sexy as the latest Adam Levine record (he’s a sexy dude who makes albums, right?) It’s almost as sexy as that Dreamboat from Pyrrhon.

Antoine The Great™

(First he sent me this haul, then he added more to it. We’re going to allow it because he’s the bestest bass player.)

(From left to right: Five Finger Death PunchGot Your Six, Yes90215, GenesisAnd Then There Were Three, AerosmithBig Ones, Selena Gomez[one of her albums]Celtic FrostCold Lake, Smash MouthAstrolounge, OMCHow Bizarre, Barenaked LaidesOne Week (Single), KISSMakeup Bro’s From Outer Space,

Edward the Great™

Whoa, it’s… that band! How is the new album anyways?

No way, you found.. that record? I hear it’s rare. Or out of print. Or really easy to find.

Silly Ed, buying all that vinyl. It’s a dying [reborn] medium. Next up, now we’re talkin’…

I hear Scrimm personally kissed each copy of Horrid Dominion sold on cassette. But I hear lots of things, so take that with a giant grain of salt.

Elegant Gazing Globe

Winds of Leng… I think I’ve heard of them before. Special deluxe packaging, I see.

I guess he wasn’t joking when he claimed to be the biggest Morbid Angle fan this side of the blogosphere!

Mr. Gazing Globe wanted to show us that interdimensional hyperloop travel is possible, with this as the proof. Supposedly the above care package was sent by Mr. Ted Nu-Djent himself!


I saved the poser-est for second to last. Here’s my haul: it’s a gud death metal CD, a good death metal tape, and two gud videofilms on standard high-definition 1K blu-ray (Criterion Collecsh).

Bert Banana

Mr. Banana wants you all to know that he’s suuuuuuper cool, because he made me wait to submit this article until I was able to feature the following merch. Keep in mind, he is solely to blame as to why this article didn’t get published days before it did. Therefore, if there is even ONE piece of questionable merch in the following haul, you are all required to tear it to shreds in the comments section. I’ll try my best, but I’ll need y’all’s help…

Mr. Banana enjoys Waveshaper. He gets a pass.

A happy Mailmanbro is what everyone desires. Be sure to send a hug along with a friendly “thanks a bunch” next time you see him or her in your ‘hood. If you want a haul featured here, e-mail me at Wuv you all.

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