Metal: The Gathering Expansion Pack
It’s time for your second pack of Metal: The Gathering. The first one whet your appetite and now the hunger is upon you. No other card game can satiate your unnatural lust for metal-based fun. Instead of gum, this pack comes with brimstone. The foil wrapper is made from dragon scales. The barcode was taken directly from the sweaty jumpsuit of Clown from Slipknot. Let’s see what we get this time.
Niiiiice. The “Uh’s and Bleeeeeeh’s” will do nicely. Plus you can say you’ve always liked having this card, even though you just got it. Just, um, don’t bring it to any Triptykon shows.
Not gunna cry… not gunna cry… *sniff*. Guh… I think I’ll be alright. It’s just difficult sometimes, y’know? Combine this with My Dying Bride‘s card if you want to cause everyone to weep uncontrollably.
Cool! Though it’s not as good as the Big 4 cards, this will do nicely against any Hair Metal cards you may come across. You can also start doing the Toxic Waltz to distract the other players.
*cough* This card has the strong smell of incense, old books, and an art teacher at a Bernie Sanders rally. It also doubles as a patch for your battle vest.
WHOA! This one is major! Everyone wants the Dio card, and not just because he did a commercial for Budweiser. Use this one when you need it the most. Or if you’re playing against Eddie Trunk.
You may not be fucking any dragons with this Sonata Arctica card, but you will be able to dance around with various faeries, nymphs, naiads, pixies, and Natalie Imbruglia.
Vicious, in-your-face, and influential. Hard to mess with the Dropdead card. This one also doubles as a patch for your vest.
Please don’t hurt me, Mr. Fisher.