Novelty Band to Wildly Successful Artist: “u suk”


Keywords: Steel Panther, Kanye West, Beck, Beyoncé, The Grammys, Dane Cook-tier jokes.

Steel Panther, a band that exists as a vessel to deliver juvenile jokes about sexual assault while wearing period-piece costumes, have strong opinions about Kanye West. Apparently, something happened at the Grammys the other night involving Kanye West, Beck, and Beyonce. I don’t know the details because the Grammys are completely pointless and unless Mammoth Grinder was involved, I probably don’t care.

Steel Panther, who were not involved in the Grammys in any way, decided to write a (blessedly) brief and shitty song about the Kanye West incident. It is embedded below:

Kanye West is a divisive figure but regardless of your opinions on the man or his behavior, he is an influential and important mainstream artist. Steel Panther, on the other hand, writes joke songs about semen in the style of a genre that hasn’t been popular in 30 years. This isn’t the first time Steel Panther have taken a shot at Kanye West. Here are some of the lyrics from “Death to All But Metal”.

Fuck the Goo Goo Dolls, they can suck my balls
They look like the dorks that hang out at the mall
Eminem can suck it, so can Dr. Dre
They can suck each other, just because they’re gay

Death to Papa Roach, Blink 182
All those fucking pussies sounds like doggy-doo
Wearing baggy pants, spiking up their hair
They’re not worth the crust on my underwear
Death to Britney Spears, kill the little slut
Kill Madonna too and then fuck her in the butt
Fuck Mariah Carey, death to Sheryl Crow
They can kiss each other on their camel toe
50 Cent’s a fag, so is Kanye West
Shooting hot sperm on each others’ chest

Sure, these lyrics are stupid, misogynistic, and homophobic but the song was released all the way back in 1997. Oh wait, no. This bullshit dropped in the year of our lord 2009. Lines about the fucking Goo Goo Dolls. 2009. Calling women sluts and men fags. 2009. “doggy doo”. 2009. Fuck outta here, nerds.

Defenders of the band loudly exclaim that the lyrics are tongue-in-cheek, it’s all a joke. Cool, but the joke sucks. What kind of mouth-breather actually laughs along to lines like “Sucky fucky, sucky fucky, smells like sushi”? People that like Steel Panther own multiple copies of The Hot Chick on blu-ray. People that like Steel Panther think telling women to get back in the kitchen is HILARIOUS. People that like Steel Panther think Chuck Norris jokes are cutting-edge humor. People that like Steel Panther believe they are oppressed because people get upset when they use racial slurs. People that like Steel Panther masturbate to Girls Gone Wild commercials. Flush this band forever.

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