Shirt Stains: The Worst Morbid Angel Bootleg You’ll Ever See


Illud Divinum Inwhathefuckus

Time is running out to buy Christmas gift for that special someone. There’s no real hot new items to buy. Older things are sold out. Wait times are out of control There’s still a deadly pandemic going on despite thousands upon thousands of people flocking to malls and stores. At this point your options are either “Arby’s gift card” or bitter disappointment from family and friends. Too bad they already have lots of the latter. Lucky for you, there’s still heavy metal bootleg shirts still available online.

We’ve covered a lot of bad bootleg merch over the years. They’ve ranged from the LOL to the LOLBUTTZ to the OMG. None of them, not a single one, comes even close to what you are about to see. No amount of all-over print, misplaced or misspelled print, or eye-searing colors can compare to this Morbid Angel bootleg. This shirt wasn’t created, was regurgitated. It wasn’t released, it escaped. It would have to be burned to ashes for it to look better. Prepare thyself and welcome to Hell.

Good God. No, wait. Scratch that. No good and merciful god would let such an unholy abomination be unleashed upon this world. This shirt looks like a transformation scene from The Thing if the alien had landed in a pile of dusty death metal albums instead of Antarctica. It’s trying to assimilate, but it just can’t get it right.

We’ve seen bootlegs stretch out album covers for an all-over print. There’s even bootlegs that put multiple album covers onto one shirt like a sort of demented patchwork quilt. This is kind of like that except, this also says “ALBUMS RANKED”. Well, technically, it says “AL UMS RA KED” but you know what it means. That’s weird, even for something that most definitely would give a horrible rash if you let it touch your skin. So what is this?

This bootleg is from the image used on a Loudwire article from 2017 ranking Morbid Angel albums. Of all the things to put on a shirt, when you could wear something with David Vincent Dat Boy on it. It hurts to look at this for too long, like a Magic Eye that punches you in the throat. You could be brought in front of the Hague and tried for war crimes if you wear this shirt. It is pure evil.

Yes, it’s available for purchase on Amazon. I take no responsibility if you buy this an a) your identity is stolen, b) you contract some sort of disease after wearing it, and c) no one ever speaks to you again. Use good judgement out there.

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