Shirt Stains: Tommy Lee Statue From Hell

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You look at this and tell me there’s a God

Music fans will buy just about anything. If you’ve read a single Shirt Stains article, you know this. Slap a band name or a logo on it and there’s at least one person that will buy it. Clothes, food, coolers, sports gear, candles, footwear, coffins. It doesn’t matter. It has a picture of the thing you like, so you’re probably going to buy it. The most way-out-there stuff will still find at least a few buyers. Even this monstrosity.

GAH!

What kind of God would allow this to exist? Did the world really need a “Locoape Motley Crue Tommy Lee No Drum Rig Resin Bobble Head Statue“? Does it have to be $40? And does it have to be sold by Target? It’s not even classic-era Motley Crue Tommy Lee. You can tell by the tasteful Methods Of Mayhem tattoo lovingly recreated on his resin tummy. The little seatbelt straps are a nice touch to represent the little drumming roller coaster he uses IRL, but isn’t included with the statue. Oh, if you buy it for an extra $30 from Amazon, you can hang it upside down. Something nice to focus on instead of this being a choking hazard for children.

Look at that face. Just look at it. There’s no light behind those eyes. No soul. Nothing. Only death stares at you as it sits on your shelf. Watching. Waiting. The Tommy Lee resin statue knows all your thoughts and fears. It knows when you sleep. Shh, shh!  Quiet! Did you hear something? It sounded…it sounded like laughter. But…but that couldn’t possibly be….could it? Nah, it’s probably just my imagination. Ha, ha. This is just a silly little statue of a hair metal drummer. It can’t laug- Wait. Where did it go? I swear, it was just here on the shelf. OH GOD, LOOK OUT! HE’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! RUN! RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

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