Shirt Stains: Schlubodus

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Bonded By Bleh.

It’s summertime. You know what that means? Lots of people showing off their gross feet in public! Unless you’re a certain former coach of the New York Jets, that probably isn’t a cause for celebration. Shame and concern are thrown out as fungal, ashy, smelly tootsies are proudly displayed in stores and restaurants. Comfort is demanded when shuffling through the mall or waiting in line at the DMV. But it’s important to show people how metal you are while you’re comfortable. How ever can that be done? Exodus has got you covered. Well, technically you’re covering Exodus.

 

It makes sense that a Bay Area thrash band made up of dudes in their mid-50’s would sell flip flops. Definitely more sense than KISS trying to sell condoms to their fans, am I right? Ooooohhhhhh! Nuclear Blast is advertising them as sandals, but we all know they’re flip flops. I’m not a flip flop person, but I get it. I know people want to rep their favorite bands all the time and in as many ways as possible. What I don’t really get is having the big band logo in the exact spot that’s going to be covered. Just seems like a waste. Or, depending on foot size, look like you’re in serious need of a podiatrist.

This is the perfect footwear for scratching lotto tickets at a gas station counter while a line 5 or 6 deep forms behind you. No fucks are given when these are worn because they clearly state that the wearer legally has to give all their fucks to their three ex-wives and 4 kids. You can no longer mix it up with Exodus, only aimlessly shuffle about with Exodus. Exodus leader Gary Holt should just stick one of these in his mouth the next time he feels the urge to say or do anything. Hope you’re feeling better, Gar. Can’t wait to see you when Kerry launches “Hell Awaits: The Ultimate Slayer Experience” or whatever Slayer without Tom Araya will be called.

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