Splintered Halo – The Dark Side Of Oz: A Video Breakdown

May 22, 2017

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From the Wizard of Oz, not from the HBO show about prison.

Sometimes I come across something for Video Breakdown where I just have to stop and ask someone else to watch it just to make sure the video really exists. It is just so strange and weird that it can’t possibly be real, and yet, here we are. I’ve asked my fellow Toilet Ov Hell writers to watch the video and weigh in with comments and reactions, so they will be sprinkled throughout the breakdown.

Splintered Halo is a Glasgow, Scotland-based metal band. I know “metal band” sounds as generic as possible, but that’s because I’m not really sure how to classify them. They self-identify as “Character Metal”. Character metal. Character. Metal. I…I don’t know what that means. Our handsome editor W suggests that it is something along the lines of cosplay, but with instruments. The band also says that they “specialize in bizarre stage shows and songs based on various characters from history, films, TV shows, books and comics.” Take a look at the video and see if that description fits. If you watch one music video this year, make sure it is this one.

0:04: Trumpcare: Day 1
0:05: MoshOff: “Five seconds of music. What even this is.”
0:08: She better hope her nose doesn’t start to itch.
0:13: If there’s one thing psychiatric hospitals are known for, its letting you wear thigh-high socks.
0:18: Man, KISS will sell the image to anything these days!
0:22: Huh. Her head was full of delicious Smucker’s strawberry jelly.
0:25: “Please…send…Chapstick…”
0:29: Ever since the Lord of the Rings movies ended, Sauron has been taking jobs wherever he can find them.
0:36: Oh…oh, dear.
0:42: Dr. K: “The smartest, most inventive response to fantasy is always to suggest the protagonist must be crazy.”
0:47: So this is what it’s like to be inside Lindsay Lohan’s brain.
0:53: I really can’t believe the “I’m-so-crazy-I’m-about-to-explode” vocalist thing from the nu-metal days of yore is now a thing again.
1:00: It’s only been a minute into the song and it’s already changed styles 3 times.
1:07: Spear “wut”
1:15: I don’t recall Dorothy having a tongue stud.
1:21: Or a full sleeve tattoo.
1:28: Soooooo are there no choruses in this song?
1:33: They really couldn’t find a plain old wicker basket for the video?
1:40: That’s not Toto!
1:47: I think I’m going into reference overload.
1:52: Yeah, that’s exactly what this song was missing: a breakdown.
2:00: The “Top Hats In Metal” rule (if someone is wearing a top hat, it is going to suck) still applies.
2:09: W: “Yeesh. This is why we need to put all the weebs and Tumblr folk on an island”
2:16: Makeup provided by a black metal fan with cataracts.
2:21: Hey, the rest of the band is in the video too.
2:29: Oh, for the love of Margaret Hamilton.
2:41: Splintered Halo: Coming to a comic book convention near you.
2:44: Awkward Boner: Engage!
2:47: Jazz hands!
3:00: There’s still 3 minutes left in this video. 3 MINUTES!
3:11: Karhu: “There’s barely a structure. No hooks, and it seems not because they wanna be artsy or proggy but because they can’t craft any. Every single thing about this is terrible.”
3:20: Ron Deuce: “Jacking Frayed Ends of Sanity on that one vocal line too. It’d be ok if it was hilariously bad, but it’s just all around bad.”
3:32: I hope the band has closets full of costumes and props for all types of characters.
3:36: They’re really squeezing every single penny out of that green screen.
3:45: That’s either the Cheshire Cat (which makes NO SENSE) or he’s gotten a huge dose of Smylex.
3:50: “Love that Joker!”
3:56: That sound never gets any better, does it?
4:03: CyberneticOrganism: “I can’t believe people spent time on this.”
4:12: Did you know that Splintered Halo studied the blade?
4:17: There’s legitimately like 6 or 7 different songs in this one song.
4:32: This video is going to be a field day for @MetalwoContext.
4:40: Masks provided by a Party City going out of business.
4:48: There’s been a surprising lack of the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, and the Scarecrow.
4:57: And no Flying Monkeys either.
5:15: I’d even take a Munchkin at this point.
5:24: Does this count as a chorus?
5:37: Fun fantasy? Nope, just mental problems!
5:41: Dressing your patients up in silly costumes is a serious HIPAA violation.
5:44: Appropriate reaction to sitting through this entire video.
5:50: I’m going to go listen to some One-Eyed Doll, who do the dress-up quirky pseudo rock thing right, at least in my opinion.
5:57: Wait, was there even a pair of ruby slippers in the video? Eh, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going back to check.