The Agonist – Gates Of Horns And Ivory: A Video Breakdown

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Life of Agonist.

What exactly is an “Agonist”? Is it someone who enjoys agony? Or is it someone that likes to dish out agony? Perhaps it’s a person that enjoys the 2007 comedy that I totally have heard of before Googling the band’s name. According to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, an agonist is “a chemical that bands to a receptor and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”. Sorry, I nodded off for a minute.

Regardless of what it actually means, most probably know The Agonist as that band with the blue-haired lady not named Marge Simpson. Old bluey aka Alissa White-Gluz jumped ship about a year ago to join Arch Enemy and was subsequently replaced by the non blue-haired Vicky Psarakis. Will she be able to bring the same rawrs and grrrs as Ms. White-Gluz-Bluehair? Let’s take a look at their new video for “Gates of Horns and Ivory” and find out.

0:04: This foundation will really bring out the crazyness in your eyebrows.
0:06: I get that same look while waiting in line at the bank.
0:12: Fuck those are some fierce eyebrows.
0:17: Let’s cover up that chinstrap shall we?
0:21: Hey, I didn’t know The Decemberists were in this.
0:27: Sit down, asshole. I’m creating!
0:34: Gotta appeal to the Bear community somehow.
0:39: Look at that. Motionless In White is in this video too.
0:47: Those beard ponytails went out with Drowning Pool.
0:54: Um, you dropped your ass-hat.
0:58: If her face were any whiter, she’d be a Romney.
1:08: And something for the Furry community as well.
1:17: Can someone get this guy a Bobby pin or something?
1:25: If anyone needs him, he’ll be in his trailer…applying baby powder to his sack.
1:29: Is this love….that I’m feeling?
1:39: Fuck it, just hot glue it to his head.
1:51: So they traded in a nice studio for a warehouse made entirely of Tetanus and used hobo condoms.
1:56: Yes, put the microphone that’s been on a warehouse floor up to your lips. Great thinking.
2:01: Random knee lift!
2:12: Hope you like them weedlies.
2:18: Oh, and some deedlies too.
2:23: Warehouse videos: Where makeup is still required to shoot.
2:31: I need to make my eyebrows like hers. I’d look permanently pissed off. Or hilariously doofy.
2:44: That warehouse was also used in 3 low-budget horror movies, 1 snuff film, and A Very Fleshgrind Christmas Special.
2:51: Hey now!
3:06: I will say I like the guitarist’s Rogue-like white streak in his hair. It’s sassy.
3:16: Dev has “Honey Dip,” The Agonist has “Hair Flip.”
3:19: She must’ve eaten like 3 cherry Tootsie Pops to get her lips that red.
3:29: Sweet Jeebus wearing crotchless panties, that’s terrifying!

See guys, they don’t want to be all dolled-up and told what to do. They just want to be themselves. With the help of a major label. And director. At least they had fun with it and looks pretty and stuff. Did they actually mention anything about gates or horns or ivories? I couldn’t tell.

The Agonist’s newest album Eye of Providence is out on February 24th via Century Media.

(Image VIA)

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