The Worst Album Art of 2019

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“Every artist was first an amateur.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s the most wonderful time of year. Top 10 album lists are done. Your inbox is not exploding with countless promos and useless playthrough video links. You’re hopefully getting a few days off granted to you by your benevolent work overlords. It’s time to kick back with some snacks, a beverage of your choosing, and have a big ol’ laugh at some 2019 album art.

This is why you don’t eat White Castle right before going to bed.

It’s a VampireFreaks.com profile come to life!

The three types of guys you meet at the Renaissance Faire Mead Tasting Station.

Special thanks to Mrs. Walker’s 2nd grade class for donating their Halloween Spooktacular art.

The raspberry jam eyes really take attention away from the world’s crunchiest shirt.

Replace the D.A.R.E. program and just show kids this album cover. They’ll be straightedge for life.

Apparently the “Old School” now has arthritis.

Tommy saw Conan The Destroyer on acid and was never the same.

What if we took Metallica and Pantera’s names and logos, put them together, and then let our 12 year old nephew make our album cover on Windows ME?

I am tired of these jokes about my giant hand. The first such incident occurred in 1956 when…”

 

This could double as the cover for a trashy romance novel set in The Maritimes in the 1500s.

“GOT GOD??”

Sorry, God can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave your name, number, and whatever point you were trying to make with this and God will get back to you as soon as possible.

It’s like they saw Dream Theater’s “Black Clouds and Silver Linings” and said “Do this, but make it brighter and even weirder!”

The only mission they’re on is to get drink tickets from the promoter.

“We’re called Moon Devoured so maybe the art can be someone consuming the moon?”

“Spicy meatball-gag. You got it.”

SHITT

“Dude, what if, (cough) like, Pet Sematary, but (cough cough cough) on WEED?!?”

Mr. Smooth And Blur Tool

Without scale or perspective.

I’m just grateful they’re wearing clothes.

This smells like old Funions and restraining orders.

Goddamn Wall Street fat cats eating our jawbreakers in the most awkward way possible.

This is some horny Rum Tum Tugger bullshit, isn’t it?

Weird. Usually when someone says “No Lives Matter” they’re pushing their heads into their own ass.

We can’t see the lower half, so I’m afraid of what exactly is being unleashed.

The album for dudes named Chet that sell weed and ninja throwing stars to high schoolers.

This is such a feast for the eyes, it’s impossible to know where to start. The Colt .45 IV? The bong oxygen? The pills? Lines of coke? 2 missing fingers that give allow him to always give devil horns? Room 666? Big tiddy nurses in thongs? The stethoscope on the dong? Keep on chilling for all us sinners here, Dick Vomit. You’re the real hero.

Even Jesus looks disappointed.

The Art Of Seduction For Guys That Work Part-Time At Guitar Center.

That’s right, 2 Magicien albums in one year. We’re so blessed. Or concussed. I’m not sure which.

Palms On Faces.

It took 13 years to get the cover of your 9th grade Algebra textbook just right.

“You’re probably wondering how I got these scars.”

“Is it because you’re a boomer dipfuck that has been out-of-touch and ruining things as long as you’ve been in power, but blame everything on younger generations?”

“….Yes.”

Have some more examples of bad 2019 album art? Want to say something isn’t “that bad” or you “kinda like it”? Want to threaten us with copyright infringement? Post it in the comments.

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