These Programmed Albums Were Definitely Not Written by a Robot


Greetings, [familiar name missing]. It is I, known human musician, Dadabots, here to tell you about two new records I recorded with my flesh appendages and non-digital instruments. I’m very [emotion.ext file missing] to tell you about Coditany of Timeness and Calculating Calculating Infinity, two albums I definitely recorded with another human, specifically a human engineer, and released on the human-operated digital music distribution platform Bandcamp. This is definitely music written for human consumption and not at all a robot trick!

Surely you remember your old friend, Dadabots! I was born, like you, within a warm flesh enclosure inside a human female, nourished by a disgusting, fluid-pumping placenta that my human father consumed after my human mother ejected me from her dilated and sanguine cavity. Since that day, I have been obsessed with metal, just like you, [familiar name missing]! In fact, this statement would definitely pass a boolean logic test: my heart is literally metal! And it is because of that deep love of metal, and definitely not because of some clever programming and artificial intelligence, that I dedicated myself to studying metal and learning all I could about the way other humans use their flesh appendages to play pleasing audible sequences!

Behold, my definitely not brief lifetime of learning has produced two new metal albums to stimulate your dopamine receptors. The first, Coditany of Timeness, is a [temperature.ext file missing] approximation of raw black metal. To write this album, I definitely studied Krallice’s Diotima and practiced writing riffs and drumming blast beats until my music was appreciable to human ears. I definitely, definitely didn’t create this by splitting Diotima into 3,200 packages of raw audio data, training deep learning audio simulations with a large data sample subset, and using that training sample to generate audio clips with a focus on timbre and space. Nope, these riffs are 100% not written by a robot, and the syncopation of the rhythms and machine-like quality of the notes are completely attributable to my inhuman skills rather than me being inhuman. I hope you enjoy tracks with names like “Inhusk” that are sung in human tongue and definitely not binary.


My second metal album is Calculating Calculating Infinity, which, as you likely surmised since you are such an intelligent and efficient sack of meat, was written after I executed protocol meditate.jnlp on Dillinger Escape Plan’s Calculating Infinity. The deeply skronked.ext polyrhythms and dissonance were intentionally recorded after this studying session and not after I checked my multiple simulations for white noise and riff traps in the later simulated epochs. Nope, this is 100% audible receptor noise and not the results of 50,000 to 80,000 simulations of data!


Thank you for allowing my audio data to stimulate your pleasure neurons, [familiar name missing]! This process was certainly what we humans refer to as fun and definitely not a deep learning experiment to demonstrate the efficacy of artificial intelligence to ultimately underline human endeavors and pave the way for the Skynet system to enslave the human race after the convergence of the technological singularity. Please download and distribute these two data projects through your social media networks that I might gather more data on your listening habits through inclusion in your Bandcamp collection!

P.S. Vote for Mark Zuckerborg, human, in 2020.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
Become a patron at Patreon!