It’s That Special Time Of Year!
[intro drawing attention to post using minor amendment to common platitude]
[Greeting involving whichever applicable contemporary phrase(s) one uses at this point of the year relating to the geographic region of the reader]!
Now I’m probably the last person who should be doing this kind of post for the site, but we at the Toilet ov Hell [benign statement which in its attempt to appease all potential demographics, satisfies none, rendering it essentially pointless]. Don’t you? Thought so.
That’s why during this time of year I’m reminded that [feign concern for any and all problems afflicting the taxa of life on Earth, pre-empting any possible blow-back from the upcoming display of unbridled first-world consumerism]. And I urge you to do so aswell.
So with that firmly in the front of our minds, we’re extremely thankful for [transparent humble brag about some intangible ‘gift’ the writer is fortunate enough to possess, usually familial love, good health, or general goodwill]. And it’s with [credit anonymous reader with some faux-feelgoodism so as to include them in this trite sentiment], seriously, each and every one of you, I mean that! Except [innocuous joke at the expense of universally disliked group, e.g. nazis]. Fuck [universally disliked group]!
But I digress [distracting from the fact the whole post is itself a digression from harsh reality], today I thought we could depart from our usual schedule and share some of the gifts we received during this special time of year by [providing photographic evidence of our individual acquisitions in a communal display of hedonism].
So here’s an extra special open swim for everyone to join the the [non-denominational] spirit!
Post your greetings, gifts, and/or gripes in the comments below.