Are you a clever and/or funny person? Probably not. Either way, here’s a chance to win a free vinyl record from an excellent band. 

Not too long ago I very positively reviewed the new EP from Norway’s ATTAN. I trust you all have been spin-kicking losers to those righteous tunes ever since. If you follow them on Facebook you’ll know that they’re running a limited vinyl pressing of that EP through their label, and the nonstop praise its gotten suggests that it would be wise to get your hands on one. That excellent artwork by Seana Reilly doesn’t hurt the cause.

Well today is a good day, because you have a chance to pick up that thing fo’ free. That’s right. Free 180 gram, black and white oil spill vinyl in your hands and killer music in your ears. ATTAN and TovH are teaming up to host the mightiest of battles, the most glorious of conquests that some may show valor, some may crumble in atrocious despair, and one will prove him/herself better than the gutted, ragged masses fallen to the wayside. This, warriors, is a misheard lyric contest.

How it works:

1. Scroll down and listen to the excellent track from the EP, “Lost Words Of The Mothkeepers.”
2. Don’t try to figure out what the lyrics are. Instead, mishear the lyrics and type up something hilarious that vaguely sounds like what they could be. The funnier-but-still-plausible it is, the better.
3. You don’t have to do the whole song, but include a timestamp if you’re just doing a section.
4. Leave your entry in the comments. We’re calling it closed 24 hours after this post runs.
5. Sacrifice many goats/send me many dollars to increase your chances of winning.

After the 24-hour window, I will board the private TovH jet, fly to Norway to meet the dudes in the band, and we’ll sail heroically down a fjord while we clash broadswords (nothing sexual) over who we think the winner is. Once it’s determined, we’ll announce it on this post and get in touch via email with the winner. Give a thank you to ATTAN and their label Shels Music, and may the best warrior win!

With my stunningly average looks and sharp-as-a-tennis-ball wit, I would be an obvious winner. So while I can’t compete in this one, here’s a short example for you that starts at the first vocal entrance:

“This bright tie rips the spoon. This bright tie rips the spoon. What’s that? Our dinner’s broken. Our cat will never see to you too.”