Darkology – Fated To Burn: A Video Breakdown


Burn baby burn.

Darkology are a power metal band featuring former members of Firewind, Solstice, and about 20 other power/prog metal bands. I assume that they all have their PhDs in the study of darkness. Why else would they be called Darkology? I suppose one of them could just have a Master of Arts in a related field like Gloomography or Inkyology. Maybe he just needs a few years working in the field to find out if Darkology is really what he wants to do for a career. Perhaps the band’s new video for the title track of the latest album will provide some answers.

0:06: Not to be confused with Lite-Brite.
0:14: Great, now the s’mores are ruined.
0:18: I guess now we’ll just have to eat chocolate and graham crackers like animals.
0:23: You’ll burn your eye out, kid.
0:25: These cards show me that Darkology is in great danger of being dorks.
0:35: It’s nice of Dream Theater to lend the band their green screen technology.
0:38: Affliction shirts and metal never work out well.
0:42: I can’t tell if he’s in space or if someone just sneezed on the camera.
0:45: The signal is weak, but the nerd output is still coming in crystal clear.
0:53: I guess they know that their audience isn’t young enough to not know what a Polaroid looks like.
0:59: Candles provided by the New Age store from the nearby strip mall.
1:04: Ah, yes. That’s Lolbuttzia, the Blackened Goat With A Million Lolbuttz.
1:09: It was really convenient to have a nail salon right next to that New Age store.
1:16: The photos represent pictures.
1:19: Death? We don’t want any.
1:26: Somewhere, Neil deGrasse Tyson is shaking his head.
1:34: Random Blue Line is the new lens flare.
1:40: Film-like graphics? Now we’re really going for an older audience.
1:48: Ma’am, it’s not polite to stare.
1:58: Butt!
2:06: Let me stand next to your fi…owowowowowow!
2:14: I hope she’s trying to conjure a better music video.
2:22: Sadly, I don’t think we’ll be seeing any dragon fucking.
2:27: I know it just breaks your heart.
2:32: We do have some creepy facial hair, though.
2:36: It’s like a soul patch that’s gained sentience.
2:47: It knows you’re afraid.
3:01: So the concept for this video took about 10 seconds to develop, right?
3:05: You do some stuff with your hands while you look at her do stuff with her hands.
3:13: Another friendship ruined because of Go Fish.
3:19: Scene provided by Quentin Tarantino.
3:27: Scene provided by Beavis.
3:36: On their Facebook page, Darkology list themselves as “the new emerging Gods of Metal!”
3:42: No reason for bringing that up. I just thought it was funny.
3:51: Like they’re not quite gods just yet. They need a few more years in god finishing school.
4:06: Okay, you win the staring contest!
4:10: That card is a real spirit crusher.
4:19: This man has Bernie Sanders shoulders.
4:28: Man this song just keeps going, doesn’t it?
4:37: Shaking the picture doesn’t count as direction.
4:45: Or storytelling.
4:53: Hey, I think it’s the belly-dancing lady from the Kattah video.
5:14: I have no idea who that’s supposed to be.
5:20: Was that supposed to mean something or was he just waiting in line for his palm to be read?

Darkology’s album Fated To Burn is available now via Prime Eon Media.

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