Flush It Friday: School is for Tools


Ah, Flush It Friday, our highly esteemed Toilet tradition.

By now, most of you know how this works, but for the uninitiated, Flush It Friday is our one day at the end of every week where we contemplate all the stupid things that happened, try to look at the bright side and finally ponder our most contentious bowel movements [Editor’s Note: Why is everything always about poop?]. But first, here’s our week in review:

Read or be damned forever. Now, on to the negativity and, hopefully, some positivity:


  • I am currently buried ‘neath a veritable Kilimanjaro of schoolwork.
  • My bike has two flat tires, a broken pedal and a broken chain. What a turd.
  • Bandcamp has been sporadically crapping the bed all week, greatly slowing my consumption of righteous jams.
  • Save for my investments [see THE GOOD] I still have nary a penny to my name.
  • Some guy spit on me while I was serving him food at a homeless shelter. WHATEVER, MAN.
  • My school’s administration is total ballsacs and refuses to relinquish its hold on my student ID, which means I can’t read any of the books I need for class in the library or even set up an appointment to complain to the counselors.
  • Philip Levine, former poet laureate of the United States, has died at 87.

“Listen, I have you now
in a silver cage, and you come to my hand
each morning with first light
and you glow and purr.”

  • Taco Bell not withstanding, you guys are still undertaking massive circle jerks in the comments section. We have a Facebook group specifically so you can dump all your stupid off-topic thoughts without completely marginalizing the work of the site’s writers. It’s not my fault you won’t join Facebook, you idiot. At least wait for an Open Swim. We have at least one every week. You know who you are. Don’t be a dick.
  • Edward‘s posing grows by the day. I feel it, like a powerful force rising in the east…oooohhhhhh


  • My stock portfolio is dominating it this week. If that was actual real money, this would be great news, but I’ll take solace in my increased “net worth” (lolbuttz).
  • I was able to download (heh heh heh) most of my textbooks, which is a big load off my back.
  • For as few big-name releases as this year has had or have been announced so far, I’ve still been blown away by killer records from bands young and old. Stay tuned for my reviews of some, which you all will read voraciously, ov course.
  • I keep seeing you losers complain about snow, whatever that is. I’m writing this at 10 PM and it’s 62 degrees. Tomorrow’s high is expected to be 68. Get on my level.
  • Had some bomb (dank?) waffles this morning. It’s the little things.


Actually my bowel movements have been pretty staid lately. I implore you instead to go back and re-read Spear’s masterful introduction to this week’s This Toilet Tuesday.

Aight, your turn. Who in your life deserves a hug and who just needs a flush? Aforementioned off-topic douches, this is your chance.

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