RIFF OV THE WEEK: 2 / 21 / 2015


Do you ever look back on your day and say, “man, that would have been a way less shitty day if I didn’t listen to so many awesome riffs”? If so, I appraise your life at mere cents.

Not really. I care about you. Get in here because we’ve got quite a few great picks this week.

Last week, most of you opted to stab yourself in the guts and drag the blade rather than cast your vote for a nü-metal riff. As honorable as your slow deaths may have been, they accomplished nothing. The true win must go to an actual riff. Congratulations(?) to MoshOffTed Nü-DjentDagon, and Alan Smithee on their four-way tie. According to the rule book, such a tie can only be settled by each contestant sending me a large sum of money. Whoever sends the most gets the win. I’ll also accept gift cards to Bath & Body Works.

Next week:

  • W. is well known for his insatiable lust for all things skronky. Thus, he has decreed that next week we’re doing skronk riffs. I’ve got a gold star for anyone who can come up with a less painful word for “skronk”. But it has to catch on.
  • Send your skronkity riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include the your name, a Youtube link, the time the riff starts, and an explanation.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, make it known.



Thanks to Nordling for repeatedly nagging me to listen to Lathspell last year. The riff that starts off this song is made of so many evils.


Joe Thrashnkill

It’s easy to get jaded by music when you fill your days with hours upon hours of it but sometimes a riff sneaks up out of nowhere, jams itself down your throat, and fills you with renewed strength like a hard dose of steroids spinach. When the riff comes in at 1:46 in “Golden Number”, I can outbox a 1988 Mike Tyson for 30 rounds, commune with dolphins, and finish my expense reports on time. All at once.



You love grind. I love grind. Let’s all grind. That opening riff (that also repeats under the solo at 1:06) makes me want to scream for grind-cream.


Leif Bearikson

There’s a stunning amount quality riffs in a mere 2.5 minutes, but its the opener that will send you into an immediate hair spin.



After the granpda’s guitars intro, “The Funeral Portrait” launches into one of the most versatile riffs on the album. I could hear this thing in about a hundred different settings. It rules, so vote for it.



Zeke’s been bumping Marduk all week.  Riff starts at 2:25.


Ron Deuce

Even though they only have 3 albums, Gaza is easily one of my favorite bands. They specialize in what I like to call sea sick riffs.  The Vipers from No Absolutes In Human Suffering has one of said riffs. At 1:28 you start getting angry, dizzy and proceed to punch the nearest tangible object.


Jack Bauer

The intro riff is one of my favorite riffs ever.


Brock Samson

Opening riff is rather tasty.


Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

In the beginning, and I quote, “DA-NA-NA-NANAHH DA-NA-NA-NAHH!” – Thomas Jefferson.



After steering well clear of last week’s debacle, I have come to bring a riff worthy of this esteemed poll. This riff is from Ruins‘ album Cauldron, the track being ‘Upon These Skeletons (Bury The Dead)’. This chaotic swirling miasma of a riff comes in at 1:49 and will leave you writhing in your own pool of filth, slaying you whilst charging onward over your petty corpse. The previous 2 minutes are worth the listen to get the proper build-up to this climax, with the drumming being superbly suited to the riff. So play it from the start, if you take any care of your ears.



In an album that’s as full as an egg with blackened thrash riffs, I picked this crust punk riff that will bring on the requirement for a frontal lobotomy. Riff starts at 2:25. What’s also awesome about this section of the song are the lyrics, where a sincere homage to the early pioneers is paid.


Eddie Trunk Jr.

This is one of my favorite live songs. The riff from 2:52 to 3:24 is awesome.



Whatever your opinion is on Mastodon’s most recent output, I think we can all agree that Remission is pretty great. The part that starts at 1:56 in “Where Strides the Behemoth” and the bone-crushing section that follows it (around 2:38) make for an impressive catchy riff + headbang-’till-your-neck-falls-off combo with a heaping side of RIFFS.



If the slow doom opening gives you heart attacks, go immediately to 3:00 for a quick death. That short riff drained a lot of negative vibes this week.

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