As a part of our TovH Grohl week, we were fortunate enough to obtain a lost interview Dave did in the year 2000 with one of the oldest cooking websites, the now defunct www.grungecooking.com. When Dave dropped in to answer some of your questions earlier this week, we asked if he knew where we could find a cached version. Almost immediately he clicked his heavily-insured and extremely precious fingers and summoned a guy he had nicknamed “Peon” to fetch it for him. In passing, we asked how that obedient dude got his nickname, was it a clever play on words as the roadies’ name was Leon? “No” replied Dave, “his name is fuckin’ Steve, or something…“.

Minutes later, “Peon'” returned with a USB stick and held it out triumphantly towards Dave, who snatched it out of his heavily calloused hands without making eye-contact. “About fuckin’ time” he muttered whilst rolling his big eyes, as “Peon” slunk away like a deflated human-balloon. “Here, I got it for you” exclaimed Dave proudly. When we checked the contents of the USB stick, it contained countless copies of early-2000’s Foo Fighters interviews and unseen Nirvana band shots. Interestingly, all the names of the other band members were redacted and the faces of Kurt & Krist were blurred, but we’re not here to report on trivial aspects of the legendary rocker’s life, we’re here to show the original unedited version of his famous Chicken fuckin’ Fingers recipe. Here’s what we found –

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“So you wanna break out of the routine of eating food that just doesn’t fuckin’ ROCK? These days, it’s hard not to. Well, all my life I’ve been eating chicken fuckin’ fingers using this exact recipe. Whenever I was just jammin’ out hard on some King Diamond records in my garage, I’d get all hungry and shit. I’d walk right into the kitchen and look around, only to find fuckin’ shitty chicken nuggets or tendies. Who was going to lend big ol’ me a hand and fix me something better? fuckin’ Dave fuckin’ Grohl, that’s who! And I don’t mean by driving down the road to get some takeaway Iron Rooster shit either, I’m talking chicken fuckin’ fingers motherfucker. So if you’re like me and you’ve ever longed for something better, I’ve got the answer for you.”

“First, get someone to drive you down to the store, or better yet, get a stupid fuckin’ roadie to do it all for you. They’ll do anything! Tell them to buy some chicken fuckin’ fingers from the frozen section of the supermarket. What’s that you say? You thought I was going to show you how to make some chicken fuckin’ fingers? Well, idiot, cooking isn’t ROCK n’ fuckin’ ROLL is it? I’m going to throw a damn monkey-wrench in the works right fuckin’ there. Let the oven do that shit while you jam out so fuckin’ hard in the garage to some old records, man. They’ll never erect a statue in your honor if you spend all day in the fuckin’ kitchen. Standing in front of the oven is a long road to ruin, and you don’t wanna do that shit. That’s what happened to fuckin’ King Buzzo man, he spent too long in the kitchen instead of touring big stadiums playing sweet-ass rock n’ fuckin’ roll music, it’s that fuckin’ simple. Now I get all his chicken fuckin’ fingers in my tour rider.”

“So while your roadies are watching them chicken fuckin’ fingers cook, make sure you burn some rope out in the garage to get real fuckin’ hungry for that shit. Don’t be a pussy-ass pretender either, really inhale that shit, it’s the best way to get high, man. You know, back when I was just a skin and bones teen crankin’ out some old fuckin’ Motorhead records, I used to get so high I that I thought I was the one. Turns out after all these tours and platinum albums that I was right, I am the fuckin’ one. I’m the fuckin’ generator, man. Dave fuckin’ Grohl. The best.”

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So there you have it, the man, the legend, the best chicken fuckin’ fingers you’ll ever eat. Sources say that a second Foo(d) Fighters article exists; we’re currently in talks to procure the highly sought-after rights to “Learn To Pie“.

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