I Listened To All 9 Psycho Synner Albums

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“Because it’s there.” – George Mallory

The tale of Psycho Synner/Psychosexual/Devil Daddy And The Not Allowed Within 500 Feet Primetime Players is, well, a weird one. In 2018, drummer Jeremy Spencer left Fiver Finger Death Punch, one of the biggest bands in boot-licking, cop-kissing, hard rock. Citing health issues, Spencer took to spread his wings creatively and really dive into what he loves most: naked ladies.

As documented in his biography, Spencer is a big fan of the horizontal mambo, doing it anywhere at any time. Going with what he knows (gross sex), Spencer created LadyKillerTV, a softcore porn horror movie parody. While I don’t know why you’d get actual adult films to star in short softcore videos released directly to a porn site, apparently it merited the needs for merchandise. Why do I get the sense there’s just an unopened box of these clothes in the back of a Salvation Army store?

While some may have thought that this was just the fleeting dreams of a cock-minded individual, it turns out that LadyKillerTV was just the beginning of Spencer’s current creative venture. A new band was in the works, one that would combine Spencer’s unshakeable love of fucking and sucking. A band, no, a force of nature named Psycho Sexual.

Sporting a red prosthetic mask, complete with a goatee and horns, Spencer became a literal horny devil. Adopting the moniker of Devil Daddy, Spencer began cranking out a few industrial hard rock songs, dripping with a sexual energy that can only be cured with a strong dose of penicillin. The band even released a music video for a song called…wait for it…Lady Killer. The reception was tepid at best, neither satisfying fans of FFDP, electronic hard rock, gimmicks, or perverts. All things being fair, the song was fine. It was baby’s first industrial song. Simple hooky chorus. Good enough for a first try, right? Nope, not for Lucifuck And The Imp Pimps.

For reasons that are still unclear, the music video and other bits of music disappeared from the internet. Luckily, it still lives on in gifs, reaction videos, and in audio form. Nothing ever truly dies as far as the internet is concerned. Spencer wanted a mulligan and relaunched the band, hoping for a do-over. The first time was a false start and now he, along with his masked Not Nameless Ghouls bandmates, wanted to re-introduce themselves with their fresh new sound. It didn’t work. So what do you do when your project doesn’t work two times in a row? Pack it in and move on? Hell, no! You keep pounding away no matter how dry and unsatisfied your audience has become.

Third time is hopefully the charm for Beezleballs And The Pitchforkers. Changing the name to Psycho Synner, changing his pseudonym to Grym Synner, but keeping the gimmicks for some reason, the band released a few new music videos over the past year. Again, the reactions fell somewhere along the lines of “Why are you doing this? Who is this for? Blink three times if someone is forcing you to keep making music like this.” Undeterred, the band recently said that they were going to release nine new albums. Naysayers laughed and scoffed at the idea of a band with no discernable fanbase releasing so much music in such a short time. We have learned the hard way that this was not an idle statement, and in fact, a promise.

Psycho Synner has actually released nine new albums, all at the same time. These albums are called Unholy Hymns For The Children, The Devil Made You Do It, Killing You Softly, Fuck In The Fire, Dying To See You, Bite The Snake, 666 BC, Vol. 1: The Burning Years, 666 AD, Vol. 2: The Scorched Years, and As The Demon Dances Under The Blood Red Sky. You can get all nine cds signed for the wallet-punching price of about $180, plus shipping. All you vinyl-lovers out there can get all nine records signed for the “Guess I’m Not Eating This Week” price of about $225, plus shipping. On the plus side, you get a free download of the band’s digital album, Songs To Stalk You By. It’s a covers album that includes music from Stone Temple Pilots, Type O Negative, and The Police. That’s a deal that will only increase in value as time goes on.

Who in their right mind would want to listen to nine albums from a band with so many stumbles out of the gate? That a great question, because I must be out of my mind to do it. It’s not so much that I want to, having already heard some of the band’s output, but because I have to. They followed through with their challenge. “Oh, you didn’t think we’d actually do it? Here you go.” Well, challenge accepted. I will listen to every Psycho Synner song you’ve just released simply because it’s there, just like George Mallory climbing Mt. Everest.

I’ll give a brief reaction for every song and include some choice lyrics. For a band whose rhyming schemes amount to “Devil Daddy, what what what. Devil Daddy, gonna put it in your butt” I think we’ll have plenty to pick through. Thankfully, some beautiful bot uploaded the albums to Youtube. Now, I don’t have to worry about completely nuking my Spotify recommendations and obliterating my algorithms. I don’t know if these albums should be listened to in a specific order. Hopefully I don’t get lost in the complex, sexually-frenzied adventures of Grym Synner And The Rhythmless Methods.

If I don’t make it, bury me at Makeout Creek.


Bite The Snake

 

01. Bite The Snake

Reaction: The lead single with a brand new music video. A hard rocking song, presumably about eating limbless reptiles and absolutely no other double entendres.

Lyrics: It fuckin’ smells you. It fuckin’ craves you. Bite the snake, you’d better bite the snake, before the snake bites you. Bite it, bite it, bite it.

 

02. Die And Let Die

Reaction: Grooveless groove metal that is making John Lennon spin in his grave. I’m okay with that.

Lyrics: You’ve pulled the fuckin walls past [?] one too many fuckin’ times. It’s time to eternally rest. It’s time to fuckin’ end your life.

 

03. Chop It Like It’s Hot

Reaction: Thankfully not a Snoop Dogg cover. There’s almost something slightly interesting hidden beneath the same chugging riff that’s in every one of their songs. A passable little solo.

Lyrics: It’s time to fuck the world. Chop, chop, chop it like it’s hot.

 

04. Rebels Of The Underground

Reaction: Texas Hippie Coalition, but they’ve replaced the tobacco juice with Astroglide.

Lyrics: Snowflakes, cupcakes cry about the rules, yeah.

 

05. Claimed

Reaction: Whoa, a different riff! In another world, this could actually be a 90’s alt rock radio song. With different lyrics. And a different singer.

Lyrics: Every single day, can’t wait to grab your face, and passionately lay you down. I pull your body close. Our hearts almost explode. Our sweat drips down to the ground.

 

06. In Case Of Death (Please Go To Hell)

Reaction: Weird, and that says a lot. Maybe there was a preset song in GarageBand and they just went with it. The real focus of the song is that Jeremy Spencer wants to have sexy wexy with your friends.

Lyrics: Now you’ve been shown a good time. I’d like you to help me have mine. I need your help to get your friends and seduce them to join in.

 

07. One Giant Coffin

Reaction: Grym Synner sleeps in a coffin-shaped bed. Do you?

Lyrics: Can I borrow a feelin’? Could you send me a jar of love? Hurtin’ hearts need some healin’, Take my hand with your glove of love!

Just kidding.

Actual Lyrics: One giant coffin, babe. So we can make love all night. One giant coffin, babe. I love you though you’re not alive.

 

08. Yoho

Reaction: Your Yoo-hoo has gone bad, mostly due to whisper-talking vocals.

Lyrics: Your life is a blip then it’s gone, hey, right now.

 

09. You’re What Belongs To Me

Reaction: The tender, ultra-possessive side of the guy who dresses like the cartoon character on a box of Red Hot Dollars.

Lyrics: My soul felt so alone. I knew their had to be someone. I was searching through my phone, swiping left until I found the one.

 

10. Suck On The Vein

Reaction: The synthy intro sounds straight out of an 80’s “Make Your Own Music Video” kiosk. Or a pyramid scheme introduction DVD. It’s the only good thing about this song. The wobbly effects on the vocals are disorienting and make me nauseous.

Lyrics: I’m gonna, I’m gonna, suck, suck, suck on the vein, yeah.

 


The Devil Made You Do It

 

01. The Devil Made You Do It

Reaction: When black metal bands talk about how much they hate  Christianity and want to destroy the church, I’m going to hear this song from now on. Blasphemy for 12 year olds mad about having to go to Sunday School.

Lyrics: The Bible tear right through it. The Church set fire to it. Raise your finger, say screw it. ‘Cause the Devil made you do it.

 

02. Satan Loves Me

Reaction: He loves you, but just as a friend. The chorus is actually harsh, but in the same way that sticking your tongue in an electric outlet is harsh. It hurts and might leave you with a twitch.

Lyrics: Satan loves me, Satan loves me, Satan love me, this I know.

 

03. Something Funny Happened On the Way To The Funeral

Reaction: I don’t know if this is one of those situations where it’s purposefully ridiculous or just incredibly dumb. I could probably guess. Maybe they’re all just big fans of musicals.

Lyrics: Something funny happened on the way to the funeral. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, yeah, that’s right. I almost forget, you’re dead. Ha ha ha! You’re fuckin’ dead, oh yeah, you’re fuckin’ dead, oh yeah, you’re fuckin’ dead.

 

04. I Understand Serial Killer

Reaction: A serial killer? The serial killer? Any serial killer? Cite your sources.

Lyrics: The more people I meet, the more I understand serial killer.

 

05. Let Me Hate You

Reaction: I think I much prefer “I’m so fucking horny, I need to just fuck fuck” Psycho Sexual over “I’m gonna punch you ’cause I’m really fuckin’ mad that you’re sad” Psycho Synner.

Lyrics: I’m gonna drive you away, ’cause I don’t have the balls to leave today.

 

06. Don’t Fuck With Me

Reaction: The former Devil Daddy is super mad and will give you such an ass-forking with his Spookytown accessories.

Lyrics: Don’t fuck with me, don’t fuck with me, don’t fuck with me, or hit the floor.

 

07. Love It Better When You’re Dead

Reaction: Some bands find one successful idea and craft a formula that works for decades of success. Other bands are called Psycho Synner. Brief intro, chugging riffs, talking vocals, mild 15 second solo. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Lyrics: You’re strung out, it’s the same old show, and I don’t find you sexy.

 

08. I Like The Way Ya Burn

Reaction: Consult your doctor if you feel a burning sensation while listening to this song.

Lyrics: You work the fuckin’ floor, make everyone start to sweat. It’s getting so fuckin’ hot, yeah, but everyone’s drippin’ wet.

 

09. Sick

Reaction: Cheesy synth would make all of these songs 100% better. More of that and less of everyone else.

Lyrics: What’s wrong with being around each other night and day? I feel I’ve let you down. What did I do or say? All I do is love you too much. It shouldn’t be a crime. But if you try and go now, I will just lose my mind.

 

10. Teeth Meet Fist

Reaction: Someone hogging the bench at the gym is listening to this song right now.

Lyrics: I’m getting pissed, I’m getting pissed, I’m getting pissed. Teeth meet fist.

 


Fuck In The Fire

 

01. We Hate You

Reaction: A different, creative, and compelling acoustic intro that gives me hope that this album may…and it’s more of the same. You got me, guys. Lyrics are A++ though. Just chef’s kisses all around.

Lyrics: We hate your face. Eat shit and die today.

 

02. The Killing Is The Joke

Reaction: We could be listening to Killing Joke. ASTEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOID!

Lyrics: The killing is the joke. Hand wrapped around your throat.

 

03. Tear It Up

Reaction: Coming to a midwestern high school football locker room near you.

Lyrics: Ring the bell. Give it hell.

 

04. Motherfuckin’ Son Of A Bitch

Reaction: I have no idea what this song is supposed to be about. Fighting, maybe? I don’t know, but they’re insistent on not fucking around with them. Something to remember the next time you come across these guys in a bar as they’re moving the pool table out of the way to play their set.

Lyrics: Yeah, yeah, yeah, sucker sucker, a motherfucker son of a bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah motherfucker, you’d better start digging your ditch.

 

05. Fuck In The Fire

Reaction: That’s not fire, Jeremy. That’s just gonorrhea.

Lyrics: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck in the fire. Let’s fulfill our burning desire.

 

06. We All Go Psycho

Reaction: This song was written by a College Republican that suffered a head injury while watching The Joker.

Lyrics: The PC police are out in full force. You can’t do anything without starting a war. It’s time to take back our life even if you explode like dynamite. I say fuck them.

 

07. Hiding Under The Bed

Reaction: At least there’s an attempt at singing and a chorus. It helps. A lot.

Lyrics: I’ll be here hiding under the bed. While you lie there and rest your pretty head (gonna get ya).

 

08. As The World Burns

Reaction: I would absolutely love to hear the raw vocal tracks for these songs. Just strip away all the effects and layering. Release the Devil Daddy cut!

Lyrics: The pandemic’s done, but you ain’t seen nothing yet. Shit’s only just begun. The kind of shit you won’t forget.

 

09. Kiss of My Fist

Reaction: No, your first smells like stale Monster Mule and old bags of Fiddle Faddle. There’s a recurring theme of choking and fists in a lot of these songs. I’ll let you decide what that’s all about.

Lyrics: With the kiss of my fist, I will kiss your chin and your eye. With the kiss of my fist, you’d better kiss your ass goodbye.

 

10. Will You Still Love Me (If I Promise To Kill You)

Reaction: Is this love that I’m feeling? No, no it is not. Worth it just to hear the struggling “kill you!” screams.

Lyrics: Will you still love me if I promise to kill you? I’ll end your fuckin’ life if it will thrill you.

 


Killing You Softly

 

01. Sometimes They Come Back

Reaction: And in his case, the never come at all. A soft love letter for the undead. Or braindead. Either one.

Lyrics: Sometimes they come back, that’s why I leave the coffin cracked. I wonder where you’re at. I hope that you will some day please come back.

 

02. Raise Your Horns And Spread Your Wings

Reaction: A little Western sounding, which, hey, at least it’s different. I didn’t say it was good, I just said it was different. Like stepping on a wooden block after stepping on a Lego.

Lyrics: Evils in town, gonna spread it around.

 

03. Decompose With Me

Reaction: Manipulation The Song. Throwing strings underneath it all doesn’t make it any less creepy.

Lyrics: I’ve said what I’ve had to say, so I can get my way. That is the price you pay when you’re with someone who won’t let you go.

 

04. We Did Start The Fire

Reaction: Did you want a groovy, bluesy song from Psycho Synner? No? Tough.

Lyrics: We did start the fire. Don’t give a fuck if you’re gonna die.

 

05. Go To Sleep Forever

Reaction: A gentle lullaby for obsessives that can’t take no for an answer.

Lyrics: Once you to go to sleep, you’ll sleep forever, even though you’re gonna be in a place that’s better.

 

06. Get Busy Dying

Reaction: It feels like the band is running out of steam on this one. Even for a Psycho Synner song, there’s not much going on. Maybe the prosthetics are slowly seeping into his skin, slowly poisoning Grym Fandaddygo or whatever his name is this week.

Lyrics: You think you’re special, you’re not. Nobody gives a shit. You’re a grain of sand on the beach so you might as well quit.

 

07. I Just Called To Say I Hate You

Reaction: I am eternally grateful that this is not a Stevie Wonder cover. Even my morbid curiosity isn’t enough to want to hear that pleasant song get the patented Synner sound.

Lyrics: I just called to say I hate you. For all the things that you made me do to you. You trigger part of me that I never knew. I just called to say I hate you.

 

08. Angels Forever

Reaction: Holy honky tonk, Batman. Throw on your shit-kickers for this one because you’re stepping in a whole lot of it. I thought this song was going to be about Burning Angel. That would have been better.

Lyrics: We are angels forever. We are the red and white. We are angels forever. For the cause we give our life.

 

09. You Taste so Good

Reaction: This one is about Devil Synner talking to his plate of Devil Dogs, Devil’s Food Cake, and deviled eggs. Naturally.

Lyrics: I just can’t wait to drink you, drink you again. I just can’t wait to suck you, so let us begin.

 

10. Tears From Your Eyes

Reaction: They’re going for heartfelt, but the basic rhymes make it feel like elementary school poetry. At least with bad elementary school poetry, you might get a cut construction paper heart with some glitter. Psycho Synner would just huff the glue.

Lyrics: You’re insane. All of the time. You cause pain. All of the time. You make it rain, tears from your eyes. Now it’s time I said goodbye.

 

11. En Fuego

Reaction: Caliente! A little chunky salsa sound to end finish things. I’ll take this over most of the other songs so far.

Lyrics: You’re en fuego, baby. You’re the one that I desire. You’re en fuego, baby. You set my soul on fire.

 


Unholy Hymns For The Children

 

01. Devil From Hell

Reaction: Well, yeah. Where else would the devil be from? Worcester, Massachusetts? This isn’t a Sonic Syndicate song. There’s also a video for this song. There’s cowboy hats and some butts. Enjoy?

Lyrics: I have only one burning desire, to set this motherfuckin’ world on fire. I’m, I’m, a fuckin’ devil from Hell.

 

02. Love On The Grave

Reaction: Might as well lean into the Halloween-style as it works much better than the fighting and/or fucking themes of the other songs. Go full cheese and theatrics and you’ll get play every October. That being said, the synth sounds like a cat stepping on a broken accordion. Watch the video if you dare.

Lyrics: Wanna make love on the grave, ’cause tonight I need you. Let’s make love on the grave, cause I have to breed you.

 

03. Whispers In The Dark

Reaction: The cat is now walking on an organ desperately in need of a cleaning. I can only hope the cat is wearing a tiny devil mask. This is probably the closest they’ve come to a decent song. It still follows the same formula, but everything sounds more fleshed out and backing vocals separate it from the usual.

Lyrics: There’s no walk of shame, no, because you’ll never leave, no.

 

04. Bleed For Me

Reaction: Ah, the synth is now at B-movie levels. It’s…fine. There’s a chorus. Singing is attempted. There’s some production. No one is threatening to fuckin’ send me to fuckin’ hell with the fuckin’ fist of fuckery. Good enough.

Lyrics: Our nights are growing longer since we bled each other. When we lick our lips it gives us both eternal pleasure.

 

05. Unholy

Reaction: This sounds like Halestorm. Or at least what I think Halestorm sounds like. Really, any modern rock back that gets radio airplay would work. One of those bands that on the lower third of an all day festival sponsored by Bang Energy. Just with a little bit more blasphemy. Here’s the video.

Lyrics: We don’t want your beliefs pushed on us. We don’t believe in your lies. We won’t keep following fairy tales of shit we can see with our eyes.

 

06. The Torture Never Stops

Reaction: Appropriate title. I swear I’ve heard the same riff a dozen times by now. It’s all blending together in my brain like those godawful “we’re making gross food on purpose” TikToks and viral videos. A gross pile of mush that doesn’t look or taste like anything. Musical goo.

Lyrics: It won’t be long until I start to break your fucking will. Once I’m done with you it will be time to fucking kill.

 

07. In Your Skin

Reaction: Not sure if this is a metaphor for going to bone town or Slym Jymmer literally wants to wear someone like a flesh overcoat. I can’t put anything past them at this point.

Lyrics: I’m back a second night. Your friends look out of sight. It makes me feel like my blood is flowing more. I offer them a drink. They don’t even blink. The drugs I’ve used seemed to lure them in their seats.

 

08. On Your Grave

Reaction: This is the type of song that plays as the “official song” of some low-level WWE pay-per-view. You know the kind where nothing major is going to happen. No title changes, no big reveals. It’s just a Sunday night of bad storylines and one or two decent matches. All filler, no killer.

Lyrics: It seems like life’s against you. How can it get any worse? You’ve got to make it your bitch and shove the [?] in the hearse.

 

09. Outside Your Door

Reaction: Nine albums, man. Nine. Albums. I fear what didn’t make the cut.

Lyrics: Saw you walkin’ to your car, when you caught my eye. Wonder if your house that far cause I wanna fuck you blind.

 

10. N. F. T. L.

Reaction: National Football The League? Nachos Funions Tacos Lettuce? No Fun ‘Til Labor Day? It stands for “Never Fuck The Living”. Oh…okay… Easy their, Chris Barnes.

Lyrics: I love to go inside the morgue and be sure to lock the door. Who says they have to be alive to burn the fire inside their thighs.

 

11. Psychedelic Orgy Of The Dead

Reaction: Fake sitar sounds and synthy lady vocals because, sure, why not? Sexy necrophiliac gangbangs needs some international flavor. Don’t want to leave anyone out. The Uncle Creepy Four take on all customers, living, dead, or somewhere in-between.

Lyrics: Dead is beautiful, better than alive. Look at all these sexy folks who must have died.

 


666 BC, Vol. 1: The Burning Years

 

01. Hooray For Heretics

Reaction: Brym Stonyr was probably really mad when he found out “Hooray For Boobies” was already taken. No amounts of blips, bleeps, creaks, and industrial sweeps with heal that wound. Ah, well, time to burn down a church or something.

Lyrics: Hooray-hey-hey-hey for heretics, they make the sky rain bricks. Hooray-hey-hey-hey for heretics, to smash religiousness.

 

02. Here Lie Buried

Reaction: For about 20 seconds, this sounded like a real song. Then…well, you know. The usual. At least the songs about sex could make you chuckle. This is just bottom-of-the-barrel.

Lyrics: You talk the fucking talk, but you couldn’t walk the walk. You put yourself inside the coffin and I locked the lock.

 

03. I Wanna Be The Blood In Your Cut

Reaction: This isn’t romantic. Or sanitary.

Lyrics: I wanna be the blood that’s inside your cut. I wanna infect you with all of my lust. And when your life bleeds from inside your heart, I’ll be with you always, we’ll never part.

 

04. I Can’t Help Falling In Hate

Reaction: This is about as deep as a kiddie pool. An empty kiddie pool. Oof, I hope the vocal effects get their own separate credit for this song because they are working overtime. Maybe they prefer to work under the name Alan Smithee.

Lyrics: I can’t help falling hate when I see your face. Can’t help falling in hate. Just fuck off and die today. Why won’t you just die?

 

05. Baby On Fire

Reaction: A song about burning a church. How novel. I should be happy he’s not singing about burning an actual baby or like a stripper corpse or something. And yet, I’m not happy. There’s no joy to be had here. Only pain.

Lyrics: Set this baby on fire, burn the fucker to the ground. Feel that burnin’ desire, the church is burning, burning down.

 

06. Lady Killer

Reaction: Lady Killer returns! You just can’t keep a good idea down. No matter how hard the public tries. As mentioned earlier, this is probably their best song. Take that for what it’s worth.

Lyrics: She’s a lady killer, she’ll carve you up just right. Lady killer, a psycho in the night. Lady killer, she’ll cast an evil spell. Lady killer, she’ll send you straight to hell.

 

07. Torch The Faith

Reaction: Blasphemous, but with the stomp-clap, stomp-stomp-clap sound of the 2010s.

Lyrics: Don’t believe in yourself, you’ll never make it out alive. Don’t believe in yourself, ’cause everybody dies.

 

08. Cut Me Up

Reaction: I don’t know if this song is okay or if I’m just becoming desensitized. It’s like when you watch too many Troma movies. Anything else, by default, no matter how bad it is, is instantly better because it’s not a Troma movie. That’s what’s happening here. It’s passable, and therefore better than most everything else.

Lyrics: I want your love carved into me so cut me up, won’t you cut me up. If you want my love carved into you, I’ll cut you up.

 

09. Lips Turn Blue

Reaction: It’s a song with weird electro wibble-wobble songs and concerning lyrics. Par for the course and possibly for local authorities.

Lyrics: I’ve got you in my bedroom and your hands are tied. You wonder if you’ll make it, make it out alive.

 

10. Sin

Reaction: I think I’m siding with the Church on this one.

Lyrics: I’ll be your piano, honey. I just want to be played.

 


666 AD, Vol. 2: The Scorched Years

 

01. Death Thrust

Reaction: See, it’s cause the death thrust could be for like kinda stabbing someone, but also, like, y’know, doing penis-y stuff.

Lyrics: Death thrust is when I drive in the knife. Death thrust, it is when I end your life. Death thrust, you feel the cold of the blade. Death thrust, your fuckin’ life ends today.

 

02. You Will Pay One Day

Reaction: Oh, I’m paying right now. The cost has been far greater than I could have expected. I am never going to financially recover from this.

Lyrics: Look, I don’t know, man. The vocal effects on the verses make it hard to understand. It doesn’t matter.

 

03. It Approaches Slowly

Reaction: It’s a song. There’s a brief intro, like every other song. The vocals kick in around 30 seconds, like every other song. The chorus is just the title followed by a bad rhyme. This is my life now.

Lyrics: It approached slowly, it’s coming to get you tonight. It approaches slowly, there’s no escaping its bite.

 

04. Harder To Kill

Reaction: Not an ode to Steven Segal’s 1990 movie Hard To Kill. But it could be.

Lyrics: Are you ever gonna fight, if someone challenges you tonight. Or are you gonna be a bitch and wind up lying in a ditch? You’re pathetic. So pathetic.

Bonus lyrics because holy shit: You’re so weak it makes me sick, see if you have balls by your…Why don’t you fucking grow a spine, instead you eat cheese with that whine. You’re pathetic. So pathetic.

 

05. The Rebel Within

Reaction: I thought you were Rebels Of The Underground. How are you also the rebel within. Is the underground within you? These are the questions that will keep you up at night.

Lyrics: We all have the rebel within, let’s fill the world up with sin. We won’t take no shit again, ’cause we have the rebel within.

 

06. Have You Locked The Door?

Reaction: After listening to you sing-talk for hours about holding people down and diddling corpses, I’m putting a deadbolt on my deadbolt with another deadbolt. This is all like Alice Cooper, but without the talent, charm, creativity, or good looks.

Lyrics: I’m about to make my move. Be damn sure I’ll be in soon.

 

07. A Witch They Can’t Burn

Reaction: The band really likes to slip in a psedo-modern country song into each album and I have to ask, who is this for? Switching things up is good. Going for a sound from another genre that definitely won’t like what you’re doing isn’t it.

Lyrics: I am a witch burner, baby. I am a witch burner, baby. I am a witch burner, baby, but you’re so hot, you’re a witch they can’t burn.

 

08. Spook Scare Scream

Reaction: They really break new grounds with this one. Slick production, complex guitars, tight drumming, thought-provoking lyrics. The band has finally hit their stride and really achieved something special and, yes, I’m kidding.

Lyrics: Now that we’ve made our way inside, there is no place for you to hide. Don’t try to hide under the bed, because we see in infrared.

 

09. I Bite

Reaction: And now we all need rabies shots.

Lyrics: I open up your door and creep across the floor to fuck forevermore

 

10. Tearing You Apart

Reaction: I don’t even know anymore. It is what it is at this point. I’m a bewildered shrugging emoji. Everything is a blur and I can smell every one of these songs.

Lyrics: I’ll be tearing you apart when I get up in your soul. We never, ever will depart, ’cause your life I will control.

 


Dying To See You

 

01. Dying To See You

Reaction: Slightly heavier and faster than most of their other songs. There’s even a tiny, little, almost, sorta, kinda breakdown. Get them on This Is Hardcore Fest, stat.

Lyrics: You’re the one who fuckin’ needs a gun to get blasted right in two.

 

02. Die In Flames

Reaction: Sure, In Flames’ output over the past few years hasn’t been great, but there’s no need to write a diss track.

Lyrics: We fuck ourselves so hard, we’re gunna burn.

 

03. Thank Fuck For The Bomb

Reaction: Therapy. Lots of it. Multiple sessions, every week, for many years.

Lyrics: You want to change the world now ’cause everybody sucks. Everyone’s so can see now [?], all a bunch of cupcake fucks.

 

04. You’d Look Nice In A Grave

Reaction: This band has three speeds: hard rockin’, country-time twang jamboree, and faux-emotional synth-laden crooning. The songs are either about boning, burning the church, or hating PC culture. Sometimes all three at the same time. Get a new hobby. Try fishing or knitting or something. Anything. Please.

Lyrics: You say the dumbest shit that no one cares about.

 

05. I Don’t Live In Darkness

Reaction: I can’t wait for the lullaby renditions of all these albums.

Lyrics: I don’t live in darkness, darkness lives in me. These evil thoughts and feelings have got a hold of me.

 

06. Dead Dead Dead

Reaction: Shit Shit Shit

Lyrics: Dead, dead, dead. No longer alive. Dead, dead, dead. You don’t exist.

 

07. Creepy Girls Are The Cutest

Reaction: This one goes out to the ladies in black that don’t mind 1 1/2 Minutes In Heaven in a port-a-potty at the rock festival.

Lyrics: I love their black eyelids, they make charcoal look white. The points from on their fangs make for a luscious bite. Their soft, creamy smooth skin can make a ghost turn pale. the candles in their room makes a dungeon bright like hell.

 

08. Dead Sure Looks Good On You

Reaction: He should’ve changed his name to Treble Daddy.

Lyrics: Dead sure looks great on you. Dressed for death in your fancy suit. It looks great on you.

 

09. What Doesn’t Kill Me (Had Better Start Running)

Reaction: Syphilis had better start running

Lyrics: What doesn’t kill me, doesn’t kill me, had better start running.

 

10. If You Need Me

Reaction: This is the closest they’ll sound to making a pop punk song. Take off your horns and jacket.

Lyrics: Just leave me alone because I wanna go home and be on my on my own because I’m losing my soul.

 


As the Demon Dances Under the Blood Red Sky

 

01. The Demon Dance

Reaction: The end is in sight and it comes in the form of piano, strings, and shaking your bottom for the devil.

Lyrics: It’s time to dance the demon dance. Everybody shake your asses, raise your glasses.

 

02. All You Need Is Hate

Reaction: In the battle of Psycho Synner vs John Lennon, no one wins.

Lyrics: All you need is hate, fuck everything and all the people. All you need is hate, fuck everyone ’cause they’re all sheeple.

 

03. Seeking Someone To Devour

Reaction: I’m sure there’s a combination of Backpage and DoorDash that could probably help you out.

Lyrics: *unsettling breathing noises*

 

04. When the Children Cry (An Angel Dies)

Reaction: Remember when sea shanties were a thing for about 3 seconds during the pandemic. Psycho Synner remembers.

Lyrics: *unsettling crying noises*

 

05. Love You to Pieces

Reaction: Is it still a power ballad when no power is involved?

Lyrics: I love you to pieces, baby. Every bit of you lives in my heart. I want more of you and all of your parts. I love you to pieces.

 

06. Creepy Crawlin’ To Getcha

Reaction: Scary Stories To Tell In The Dork

Lyrics: We see all your scrumptious folks, we want to have a taste. If you die without a lick it would be such a waste.

 

07. We Are Rebellion (Middle Finger’s Up)

Reaction: It’s like if Grim Reaper’s Final Evil and Twisted Sister’s We’re Not Gonna Take It video had a stupid baby.

Lyrics: Alright, class, settle down, settle down. Jimmy, what’s the filth on your t-shirt? Psycho Sexual? What do you have to say for yourself? Fuck you!

 

08. An Impaled Heart

Reaction: So is he a devil or a vampire? Stop mixing metaphors.

Lyrics: An impaled heart will make me disappear. And I don’t want that, babe, cause I always want you near.

 

09. I’m Dumb

Reaction: I mean…yeah…

Lyrics: I’m dumb, my shoe size is like my IQ. My maturity stopped right at the age of two.

 

10. Miss Blood Lustrous

Reaction: Soooo…I take it there isn’t a Mister Blood Lustrous? Not after she hears this bad Peter Steele impression.

Lyrics: Miss Blood Lustrous is her name and she is my dame. I love to fuck her. Miss Blood Lustrous loves to bleed and let’s me drink while I fuck her.

 

11. Just One Of Us

Reaction: The perfect song for a Nightmare Before Christmas AMV.

Lyrics: You’re buried deep within my heart and now we’ll never be apart.

 

12. Here To Raise Hell

Reaction: I have aged approximately 1,000 years. I have seen the end. The horror. The…horror…

Lyrics: We are here to raise hell, we’re here to bring death knell.

 

There you have it. Nine albums worth of raw, sexual, devilishness. Lots of the same themes, words, phrases, and scenarios repeated. A general formula is used throughout every album and almost every song. I still have no idea who this music and gimmick is for. It hasn’t worked twice, so why bother a third time? Are they just trying to get a return on their investment? We spent all this money on masks, might as well use them? It boggles the mind. Maybe there’s a silent majority out there, quietly banging their hands and touching their bits until they’re chaffed and raw. Probably not.

One can’t help but wonder what’s next for Psycho Synner after releasing so much music. Do they have more left in the tank? When does the worldwide tour start? Will the Church and PC Culture be able survive such a devastating onslaught? Will there be a run on KY Jelly and magnum condoms? Only time will tell.

Have we learned anything? No, but we should all probably visit a clinic to get tested immediately.

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