Metal Beginner’s Guide to Making Metal Song Names Metal (With Examples)
Like most all things in life (except food and maybe pillows if you’re a bitch), you want your song titles to be as metal as possible. While there are a few ways to go about this, the first step is typically the same:
Use some words that are metal. Some words and ideas are metal, others are not metal. Some are obvious, some are more ambiguous. We will not discuss in detail what makes a word metal. It sufficeth to say only this: that the true of heart can feel it deep within their loins. Can’t feel it deep within your loins? Do not despair, for not all are chosen to be born as we were, with heart and loins clad in burning steel. Dr. Bruce Dickinson performed a C-section on my mother with a rapier and no anesthesia, and after that it went a lot like that part in Game of Thrones where that weird shadow assassin squeezed itself out of Melisandre’s birth canal. If your delivery was humdrum and mundane as the rest of your existence, fear not! Even normal birth is still pretty metal. There’s a lot of blood.
Once you have an adequately metal word, you can stop there and use it as the completed title, or you can think of additional words and put them all together. Metal words in a song title are a lot like mutton in your hopefully bearded face; the more you can cram in there, the better.
The adventurous among you may want to take it a step further by removing the spaces. There are certain situations in which spaces are not very metal.
Those reaching for the far-flung pinnacle of wordcombination may even find the gallantry within to conjoin three…
Another option is to use your chosen words to craft an actual sentence. This pedestrian approach is not generally recommended. But if you must, know this: in the realm of metal you are not obligated to craft a coherent phrase. Incomprehensibility is metal.
Still having trouble? Do not fear, mortal! This is something even unread peasants and most rappers are capable of: make up your own words.
See, that word means nothing. But it oozes metal. Actually, I think that’s the first thing my dear grandmother said to me after her ischemic stroke.