Riff of the Week: 4-30-2016


So fucking sick.

Hey everyone. I have returned from the milk carton to provide you with riffs this Saturday. So quit whining, god. I can’t promise you that most of them are good riffs. In fact, I can’t even promise that more than one of them are good riffs. But that doesn’t matter as long as you keep to the protocol and shove your heads firmly up your butt holes before you vote.

If you want in next week, please send your riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff, and some words, if you will. Everyone is invited.

Let’s get this over with so I can get to crying myself to sleep.



It is my opinion that 1:53 is probably the third best riff ever recorded by a death metal band. If you’re not headbanging, check your pulse. And then kill yourself.


Brock Samson

What, the opening riff starts at 2:19? trust me, blast and windmill your beer belly for full effect.


Jack Bauer

It starts at 5:37 with dat bass and then the guitars kick in followed by the uncontrollable headbanging. You can try to resist it, but you will fail.



The number of riffs in existence at this time is 7,069,334,021. This is one of them. 3:33.


Maik Beninton

Read Link’s review, it explains better that I could ever done. 2:40.



Not Mastodon, but Mastodon adjacent, featuring Bill & Brann’s Excellent Adventure into Pre-Don Tech-Death oddness. Please, just Humor Me @0:19…


Akerskronks ov Steele

Groovy little Rush-esque riff starts at 2:33. Kinda makes you wanna crowdkill, or disrespect ur surroundings or whatever.



After turning on our resident power metal champion on to these guys, I figure to pull out a cut from one of my top 10 favorite power metal CDs. Epic power metal with no dragon fucking/oily man lyrics, and the riff/crescendo starts at 3:30.


Ted Nü-Djent

The only thing I knew about my submission this week was that it was going to be a Cobalt riff, the question was which one shall I use? Ever since Jom Pootersons excellent review of Slow Forever this album has been on regular rotation. While some find the album a bit long, for me it’s a perfect length for my long arse drive to work (and home) each day and the more I listen, the less fault I find with it as I discover a new layer to each song with each spin. The main riff to this song is total awesome sauce, but the riff that I gotta gotta go with is the one that kicks in at 4.05 until pretty much the end of the song. Is this riff what they mean when they refer to ‘elephants marching’? [god not this again. — Masterlord] Given the name of the song it would be totes apropes if it is.



New aborted song sounds like aborted but a bit black metally which is cool, the riff at 1:48 is also cool. Vote for this because Travis Ryan.



This song goes fucking hard at 0:22.



First riff. Apt song title for feel of song. There can be only one. This one.



The all-knowing Dubya has once again opened my eyes, this time to Doomsword. Holy fucking shit. So much chuggy, fuzzy, dirty riffage. Pretty much any “main” riff from their tunes will slay the competition, so I’ll pick this one at random. Headbang, slowly, starting around 1:20.





Super Nintendo Chalmers

The entire album rips. You dainty postmetal types won’t get it, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. For the actual riff, go to the 10:30 mark, listen through until 11:24, then go to the start and LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING FROM START TO FINISH. HAIL VOID.


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