Riff Of The Week: Black Edition

June 2, 2018

3000

Got any blacker?

After finally ceding a theme to the persistent requests of the Power Metal dorkcult last week, and being thoroughly underwhelmed by the overall quantity and quality of submissions, I’m declaring the winner to be __________. This result will no doubt be confirmed by the graph below, which removes all possible chance this text was hastily written one week in advance using the powerful arcane magic of the Microsoft Notepad™ program.

[Joedefinitelydidn’tupdateasitepluginthis weekthusdestroyingallevidenceof lastweek’scompetition.jpg]

Amazing! Congrats _______! Now, as we’ve already completed Red, Blue, and Green editions, this week we went with the perennial metal fave – Black. Here’s what you sent in…

The Akerstache
Voices – ‘The House of Black Light’ (Riff @ 1:34)

https://candlelightrecordsuk.bandcamp.com/track/the-house-of-black-light

It was a toss-up between that or the riff at 2:36, but the latter technically reaches its peak with a solo, and I wanted to keep the riffage clean.

tigeraid
Opeth – ‘Blackwater Park’ (Riff @ 2:00)

I missed my calling last week with Power Metal riffs, so I better bring the A-game here. So how about a masterpiece? Plenty of riffs to choose throughout but the groovy main thread beginning at 2:00 will do nicely.

TheDeathDog
Goatwhore – ‘Alchemy of the Black Sun Cult’ (Riff @ 1:47)

Just a happy little song about conjuring up Satan and turning the world into one big blood orgy.

FrankWhiteKingOvNY
Saint Vitus – ‘I Bleed Black’ (Riff @ 0:28)

I’ve been wanting to submit this riff for longer than I’ve been wanting to win the national lottery jackpot. It’s been a long time coming, but seeing the topic of the week is “black” I feel that NOW IS THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME!
The riff yours truly is talking about is this unfuckwithable tune from the unfuckwithable “I Bleed Black” of the unfuckwithable album “V” of the completely, totally and utterly unfuckwithable one and only Saint Vitus. It captures everything that’s great about ‘The Vitus’: taken from the Sabbath textbook only even more warped with a double dose of fuzz while being repetitively stretched out to a hypnotizing effect. In short, riffs like these are everything we all love (or we all SHOULD love) about Vitus – well next to the trademark vocalists of course, which depending on the album varies between Reagers’ loony bin psychotism or Wino’s alcohol and crack-induced bikerism.
Anyhow, both vocalists rule, Saint Vitus rules, this riff rules and if you vote for this fucker, you rule too.

Positronic Brain
The Replacements – ‘Black Diamond’ (Riff @ 0:36)

This cover is good for so many reasons. They get the lyrics wrong. They get the music, including this (main) riff wrong. They never did give songwriting credit to Kiss. They were probably completely fucking wasted when they recorded it. Best of all, they managed to piss off the punk purists (for covering Kiss) AND the Kiss fans (for fucking it up) at the same time. Ain’t never gonna be another band like the Replacements.

Howard Dean
Motley Crue – “Wild Side” (Riff @ 0:48)

Blacklisted: What you become when you unapologetically submit a Motley Crue riff for a second time. The main riff here is a sweet thing, no denying it. Nerds and pansies: prepare to be bullied like you are in high school again. Mick Mars is your daddy. Come at me. [D-Generation X crossing arms over crotch move] SUCK IT!!

TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs
AC/DC – ‘Back In Black’ (Riff @ 0:05)

I’m sorry I wasn’t very creative this week

Yarnhawk
Cadaveric Fumes – ‘Where Darkness Reigns Pristine’ (Riff @ 12:27)

I’ve been digging this album a lot lately, and seeing as this track’s title is basically a fancy way of saying black, it seemed a good match. The riff at 12:27 is a killer, and I love all the variations and different approaches to it, which keep it interesting even though it runs for over a minute straight. The pauses, the added harmonies, and that big ol’ bass slide at 12:53. Blacker than the blackest black, times infinity. [Lizard Note: Vote for this.]