Riff Of The Week: Final Edition
This is the end.
Before we get to our final riffs, let’s look at the polling from last week’s Green Edition. Some highly questionable results by my reckoning, I’m going to award the victory to every riff that wasn’t R.E.M. Fuck that noise.
This week we asked for riffs featuring the word “Final” in their title. I should have known that at least one of you would show no restraint and submit the perennially irritating affront to decency from 80’s relics Europe. Rather than omit it in spite, I’m adding 100 votes to every other riff before the polls open. My next step is to douse your terrible record collection in that assortment of hairspray chemicals you have, throw them in your canary yellow 1993 Hyundai Excel and melt your coveted spandex jumpsuit to your car windscreen, torching everything you hold dear in one rainbow coloured flaming wreckage. I will also audibly fart at your funeral. Don’t forget to use the PROMO CODE TRUNK after voting to receive your free Home Appendix-Removal Kit (limited to one per customer per day).
Europe – “The Final Countdown” (Riff @ 0:52)
I didn’t want to do it. I pleaded with you all not to do it. And you asked anyway. Because I am a diehard Bryan Danielson mark, I submit this. Synth/trumpet/whatever-riff starts at 0:52.
Mors Principium Est – “Finality” (Riff @ 0:00)
TAZ GO ALL MELODICY AND HARMONICAL THIS WEEK. RIFF START AT 0.00 AND MAKE TAZ SING DEE-DA, DEE-DA, DE-DA, DA-DA, DA-DA-DA… WHILE DOING WASHING UP.
Hail Of Bullets – “The Final Front” (Riff @ 0:00)
Im drunk as fuck right now and probably wont remember submitting this but due to the release of wolfenstein 2 ive been blasting a bunch of Hail of Bullets. The riffs start at 0:00 and they dont fuckin stop.
Cobalt – “Final Will” (Riff @ 5:21)
You know that feeling when you’re riding a bike so fast that you’re basically catapulting yourself into another dimension, and then you hit a big ass log and the bike flips, but you miraculously do some kinda swirly fuck and land perfectly and everyone applauds your fearless acrobatics? Well, that’s how I feel about this riff, the song is moving at a good Cobalty kinda pace, and then BAM this riff tosses you in the fucking air.
Imperium – “Final Sacramentum” (Riff @ 11:28)
Riff starts at 11.28. Elmo still prefer ABBA and Bert and Ernie Sings… but Elmo been getting into Death Metal recently and Elmo likes brutal riffing – makes Elmo swing Elmo’s head. YAAAYYYY!!!!! DEATH!!!!
Lord ov Bork
Tenacious D – “Beelzeboss (The Final Showdown)” (Riff @ 3:44)
In which Kage and Jables royally blow those fuckin’ doors down, man.
Death Angel – “Final Death” (Riff @ 0:38)
“FINAL DEATH IS ON ITS WAAAAA[DOG WHISTLE]!!!!!”
Unleashed – “Final Silence” (Riff @ 0:22)
Going back to 1992 this week for a good ol’ fashioned Swede-saw cut. While the Slayer-ish mid-section is quality, I’m going for the no frills ferocity at 0:22.
Next week we’re getting Teutonic. Send me riffs from GERMAN bands. Make sure you attach a screen-name and a short description that includes a time-stamp of when the riff starts. Email them to firstname.lastname@example.org.