Riff Of The Week: Unpronounceable Edition


Brought to you by Translation Online™  – “The idiomatic stallion brings eyes of refrigeration 100% beyond!

Last week we covered ourselves in clothes that resembled torn picnic blankets, stood around in an empty car park sharing an already half-smoked off-brand cigarette, and attempted to impress a dishevelled-looking girl named “Kellie” by sloppily playing riffs a disinterested adolescent could compose a mere 16 minutes after plucking guitar strings for the first time. You guessed it, we got all grunge’d up. Due to what I can only assume was the result of simple probability, one of the three Alice In Chains entries came out on top, just edging out a riff that 18.8% of you deemed to be grunge, from those quintessential yarlers – Megadeth. Don’t blame me, I voted for the robit.

This week we asked for riffs from songs and/or bands that you cannot pronounce the fucking name of. Үнэнийг хэлэхэд энэ сэдэв оруулга нь илүү олон тооны үүсэхэд гэж бодсонBet jūsų daug yra Velniai rautų Poliglotai ar tiesiog tingus kaip šūdas. He te te tupono pai e kore e haere noa koe ki te whakararuraru i te iritiraa i tenei kuputuhi, engari ki te i koe te tuhituhi “karamupeti” i roto i te wāhanga kōrero. Noli oblivisci ut ad PROMO CODE LATIN accipere extra est verbum recte per damnationem translati cum usura Google transferendum. Tempus plebes!


Utstøtt – “Skjønnhet av Fólkvangr” (Riff @ 41:19)

Did someone say atmospheric black metal? Because here is some god-damn atmosphere for you. The entire album is a great experience for just phasing out to som heavy tunes. I’m also pre-emptively calling out anyone who submittet Mgła and Misþyrming for grabbing low-hanging fruit and that you’re no fun.

Dougie Jones (Dale Cooper)

Thin Lizzy – “Whiskey In The Jar” (Riff @ 0:19)

(a muffled voice is heard throughout)
Thin Lizzy… seems like easy to pronounce… not easy to pronounce… pronounced Tin Lizzy… don’t ever get wrong… won’t be let in Ireland… riff at 0:19… solid riff… Mr. Jackpots.
(Slapping is heard, followed by Dougie wincing)


Bakos Attila – “Életerő” (Riff @ 0:00)

Hungarian is one of those languages that if someone were to say the word first, then yeah I can most likely pronounce that. But seeing it just written down reminds me of looking at a test and realizing that if there are no points for spelling your name correctly, then you might as well not even try.

Howard Dean

Aspid – “It Came” (Riff @ 0:16)

Russia. [valkilmermeme.jpg]. You may not know it, but one of the best thrash metal albums ever written emerged out of the embers of the smoldering Soviet Union. This band was Vektor when the dudes in Vektor were still shitting yellow. Motherfucking RIFFFFFFSSSSS! It’s a tragedy these guys only released one album. Where did they come from? Where did they go? Where did they come from, Cotton-Eye Yvgeny? The riff-fest starts at 0:16. Hold on to your butts [samueljacksonjurassicparkmeme.gif]

Ted Nu-Djent

Sólstafir – “Djákninn” (Riff @ 4:40)

I don’t have many hard to pronounce names in my collection but I’m a bit unsure how to say the name Solstafir so that’s good enough for me, I certainly can’t pronounce many of their song titles such as Djákninn which I have chosen for this weeks submission. Last time I submitted a song by these Icelandic chaps I couldn’t buy a vote so hopefully I fare better this time around. Riff starts at 4.40 and runs for about 1 minute.


Havukruunu – “Jo Näkyvi Pohjan Portit” (Riff @ 1:14)

This album has been in constant rotation since its release a few weeks back, still have no idea how to speak Suomi even after accidentally starting many DVDs over the years with it as the default language. We’ve since decided that our DVD player thinks it’s Finnish and that its hot Australian habitat is just an elaborate sauna. Always pronounced the band’s name as “Hah-voo-khru-noo”, probably wrong but it’s too late now, you can’t teach an old lizard new anything. Not even going to try and pronounce any of the track titles (fuck you, Karhu). Riff starts after the stunning clean intro, around 1:14. PERKELE!

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Next week we’re going to be gettin’ bent. Send us bendy riffs and/or riffs that give you the bends. To enter send a link to your riff to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com by this coming Friday, making sure to include your screen-name and a short description that includes a time-stamp of when the riff begins. Easy!

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