Riff Of The Week: September Free For All Edition
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Last week we plugged in our HM-2 pedals and shredded the fuck out with our Buzzsaw Riff Edition. Strong post-2000 Swedeath submissions all round, but Skelethal ended up on top. I’m taking a week off to celebrate.
This week we went naked and themeless. It had been a fair while since we had a good ol’ fashioned free-for-all riff of the week, mostly due to my inexhaustible list of potential future theme ideas. Anyway, we got a heap of submissions from all realms of metal to choose from. Make sure you use the PROMO CODE FLUMMOX after voting to get a 45% reduction of seeds in your next purchase of citrus from Cyril’s Seedless Fruit Barn.
Dew-Scented – “Feeling Not” (Riff @ 28:38)
Song actually begins at 26:59 and hits you with this chuggalicious riff right away, but I’m stamping this iteration because it comes with a magnificent example of where best to put an “UGH!”. Both that and the riff itself are things I’d like more of, but I didn’t think of it two weeks ago. What a beaut!
Candlemass – “Witches” (Riff @ 2:16)
I could’ve saved this riff for the week of Halloween, as I’m sure the song title will fit into whatever theme there is that week, but my confidence in this riff is such that it deserves to go head-to-head with the best riffs from all over, regardless of theme. Unless there’s another Candlemass song in this week’s selection, this riff could very well win on that merit alone, but even against the likes of Nightfall, there is one riff in the song Witches, from the 2005 self-titled album (the only one besides the ESSENTIAL albums that features Messiah Marcolin on vocals), that is absolutely my favorite Candlemass riff, and maybe one of the greatest riffs of all time. Like it’s namesake, it’s as if a coven of witches cast an aural spell that forces you to raise a clenched fist and contort your face into some sort of grotesque Ren-and-Stimponian nightmare while banging your head so hard you need to set up an appointment with your local chiropractor.
Leviathan – “Receive The World” (Riff @ 1:45)
THE BIT AT 1.45 THAT GO “WAAAAOOOAAABB WEEWWAAAWWOOO WWEEBEEWUMM” MAKE TAZ GO BLERRGGGERPPRRREEPPRRRIPPPITTTYYYBBLLOOOGGGG – EEP!!! TAZ LIKE! MAKE TAZ THINK OF BRUTAL SATANICISTIC DOINGS!!
LOVE AND BLEEG!
Ominous Shrine – “V.I.T.R.I.O.L” (Riff @ 3:12)
As a man who can appreciate a variety of riffs in differing styles, sometimes all you need is a simple yet monstrous kick to the nuts. Ominous Shrine released a killer blackened/death debut in January and it is in constant rotation for me still. The first real track opens with a neck cracker and its genius relies in its tremolo simplicity. Start at 3:12 and just let the heaviness take you over.
Motley Crue – “Red Hot” (Riff @ 0:35)
So yeah, this song kicks ass and this riff is fucking deadly. This is some real nice no fucks given speed metal from Senor Mick Mars and the rest of the Crue. You will definitely smile from the riffage. Hits at 0:35.
Abysmal Dawn – “The Inevitable Return To Darkness” (Riff @ 1:45)
The riff starts around 1:45. It about as groovy as it gets. It repeats a few times, then they throw in a little weedily weedily and back to the riff. If it doesn’t get your head bobbin check your pulse.
Scour – “Red” (Riff @ 0:41)
Yes, we may all have mixed feelings about Mr. Anselmo…But this new SCOUR is something I feel we will all end up thanking him for. This riff starts the song but goes to a new level around :41 secs. (See what I did there.) Let’s hope the new album will sound more like this. Oh and yes, there’s even a solo.
Sanctuary – “Taste Revenge” (Riff @ 0:34)
JUST GIVE ME SANCTUARY FROM THE LAW & VOTE FOR RIFF(0:34) TONIGHT!!!!
Darkthrone – “Too Old, Too Cold” (Riff @ 1:15)
FOR THIS THEME-LESS WEEK I SUBMIT THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE THE ANTHEM OF GRUMPINESS IN A WORLD WHERE LAWNS ARE PERPETUALLY TRAMPLED BY IDIOT UPSTARTS
Haunter – “Madrugadas Oscuras” (Riff @ 5:38)
Like bastardized matter sublimated from whorls of abortive chaos, this riff kind of appears out of nowhere. It’s the kind of riff that validates all the hours or years you’ve spent futzing with weird tunings and chord configurations on the guitar. I want this riff for my birthday. This, and maybe some pumpkin-scented candles. (5:38)
Vektor – “LCD (Liquid Crystal Disease” (Riff @ 3:07)
No stipulation means no explanation. Riff at 3:07
Slugdge – “Slimewave Zero” (Riff @ 0:31)
Slugdge is criminally underrated. I mean, who doesn’t love a slug-themed metal parody band, with titles like “All Shell Perish”, “Eyehatesalt”, “Spore Ensemble”, and “Dim and Slimeridden Kingdoms”, just to name a few. And the crazy thing is, they write better music than a large portion of their serious metal counterparts. Enter the riff at 0:31 in Slimewave Zero. A beautiful mix of heaviness and melody, this is the type of riff that you find yourself humming in your head three days later. I’ve actually been sitting on this riff for quite a while now, and finally got a theme (or lack thereof) that it worked with. Enjoy!
Next week, 2017 will be 3/4thteenths over. So we’re going to be doing our Third Quarter Giveaway Round. To enter you must send in a riff from a a 2017 album featured in a Toilet ov Hell article. Send in your riffs to firstname.lastname@example.org by Friday, along with a description that includes a link to the article the album was featured in, your screen-name, and a time-stamp.