Riff ov the Actual Week: 3/14/15


Originally, Riff ov the Week was designed to highlight the best riffs that came out during a given week. As you damn well know, that’s not how it ended up. This week, as a theme, we relived what might have been if you all weren’t defiant little turd-eaters. An experiment.

An experiment that failed miserably. I got five submissions. It just goes to show that my mom was right all those years ago when she said, “Every time you have an idea, just assume it’s a shit idea because you’ve never had a non-shit idea in your life and you never will, you ugly little bastard.” I award innumerable GBPs to the ever reliable JoeW.DagonStanley, and Ted Nü-Djent. The rest of you aren’t worth your weight in gross bags of piss. That being said, my butt-disappointment is assuaged by the fact that I really need to get my ass on the road to see Enslaved anyway. A little bird told me that they’ll be playing “Fenris” tonight, and I fully intend to take off all my clothes and absorb every wave of sound into my exposed skin.

Last weekRandall Thor came out on top by one measly vote. I congratulate you.


Next week:

  • Let’s get back on track with a good, old-fashioned riff-off. I want riffs. Old riffs, new riffs, it doesn’t matter. Just make sure they kick ass.
  • Send your riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, let me know what it is.



I nominate the shittiest riff ever by the shittiest band in the entire world, who just this week released the shittiest album ever recorded. Chop-busting aside, Scab (brought to you by our very own Tyree) completely destroys, and the first riff in “Worm Feast” is the riff of the actual week. Represent.


Joe Thrashnkill

“Hope”, my favorite track from the latest Harm’s Way release Rust, is filled to the brim with tasty riffage. At 1:57 we’re taken back to the 90s with some sweet Helmet-tribute (just after the RIPPING bounce riff at 1:40).



You wouldn’t need to possess ESPN to predict that I would submit an Imperial Triumphant riff this week. The riff that kicks in at 3:05 sounds like a horde of gigantic space bees swarming and crushing my skull.



The riff that starts at 7:10 is crammed so far up my brain I don’t think it will ever stop playing in my head. Slow & low. Doom & gloom.


Ted Nü-Djent

I’m sure that the intention wasn’t for a 31 year old songs to appear on this weeks ROTW, but when it’s a reissue of Judas Priest Defenders Of The Faith, then it can’t be denied. The whole album is a masterpiece but I’m submitting this track as it is the song that turned me from a casual Priest fan to a genuine Priest fan. Riff starts at 0:01 and is the main riff that drives the song.



Everyone knows that Deathhammer packs more poseur destroying might than an M1 Abrams Tank and so when the riff at 1:48 kicks in, it’s either step the fuck back or get leveled. It’s your choice.

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