Shirt Stains: Legacy Of The Battle Jacket


The Patchment

Battle jacket. Battle vest. Dork suit. Whatever you want to call it, this article of clothing is ubiquitous with the heavy metal scene. While it’s more prevalent in certain metal scenes, like traditional Heavy Metal or Death Metal, if you go to a big show or festival, you’re bound to see a few. You may even see the fabled Battle Trench Coat or Battle Hawaiian Shirt.

It’s not for me (I just don’t have the patience) but this helpful How To will get you started. Getting all the patches, deciding on the right placement, and, of course, physically sewing them onto a vest or jacket is all part of the experience. That effort and dedication leads to a bigger connection with the music, the band, and the community. How else can you say “Look at the bands I like! Please validate my choices! God, I’m so lonely!” without having to actually say those things?

That’s why this Iron Maiden Legacy Of The Beast 2022 Battle Jacket is so….meh. Want that special Battle Jacket look without any of the effort or accidental sewing needle poking? Iron Maiden has you covered and at only 3 times the price of a normal vest! You’d better like Iron Maiden if you want this because that’s all you’ll get. You won’t be getting much, though.


That’s quite the front. One lonely looking patch, a pin, and “Legacy Of The Beast” embroidery. Oh, and the big Iron Maiden tag that no one will see, but you will definitely feel chafing your neck at all times. That’s almost as underwhelming as The Writing On The Wall. That’s a lot of open space. One could make the argument that you can then use that extra space for some of you own Iron Maiden patches, but if you’re spending the money on this pre-made battle jacket, chances are you’re probably not going to want to do your own sewing. You don’t go to the car manufacturing plant, stop them halfway down the assembly line, and say “I’ll take it from here, boys.” You wouldn’t do that because all the robots wouldn’t understand you, but you know what I mean.


The back has some more action, but still some extra space. Just in case you’ve been holding onto a Balls To Picasso patch since 1994. The centerpiece is large, colorful, detailed, and looks good. This is the Legacy Of The Beast jacket, though. Seems weird to not call it the Senjutsu jacket, right? Guess they want to promote their shitty mobile game any way they can. If the jacket just had that and it was some sort of exclusive, I could understand an Iron Maiden fan throwing down their money for this. If you want this huge patch, you gotta buy the jacket. Makes sense from a greedy marketing standpoint. But no, you get a bunch of other awkwardly placed, bootleg-looking patches to make everything look cheap. Speaking of which, this is definitely not cheap.


Run to-o-o the bank! Run for a lo-oo-oan! $140?! For this? A couple of pins, some patches, and a little bit of embroidery. And no, shipping is not included, so tack on an extra $20 or more. Don’t get me wrong, Iron Maiden fans will definitely buy this. If it has the logo or Eddie on it, they will scream “Up the irons!” as their wallet gushes harder than Old Faithful. To them, that feeling of accomplishment in building and making a battle jacket and the satisfaction felt when receiving compliments on it doesn’t matter. At that price, they’re happy to show some metal cred at the Ski Do Salesman retreat at Lake Tahoe. When someone calls them a poser, they’ll simply say “Yes, I do like posing in my $140 pre-made Iron Maiden battle jacket, thank you very much.”


Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
Become a patron at Patreon!