Shirt Stains: Oh-morphis

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Tales From The Thousand Oofs

Many, many things can be said about Finland’s Amorphis. When you’ve been around in some form or another for almost 30 (!) years, you’re bound to pick up all sorts of descriptions. Some good, some band, but there is usually some form of consensus. “Melodic” would certainly be one of those words. “Distinctive” would be another. “Political”, though, not so much.

Yeeeeeeesh. Now, before getting into the actual design itself, it’s my belief that the band isn’t pro- or anti-Trump. It feels like a quick play on a known slogan. I don’t really know much about any individual member’s political beliefs, but you would figure you’d hear if they said something particularly outlandish or heinous. I could be wrong. Please link us in the comments if, say, the drummer thinks the Whig party should make a comeback.

So why do I think it’s neither pro nor anti Trump? Well, look at it. It’s so silly. It’s not exactly a flattering picture of our Commander-In-Chief. He looks like a misshapen potato stuffed with smaller, more misshapen potatoes. Having him hold the Finland flag is just funny. Do you think he can find Finland on a map? Would he even know that that was the Finnish flag? If anything, he should be holding the Finnish flag and a rake.

The slogan “Make America Great Again” has always seemed weird to me. Obviously it’s meant to gin up negative feelings about America and imply that only a man with no political experience who has declared bankruptcy multiple times can fix it. The shirt’s little play on that slogan implies that Amorphis, the band that is being advertised, now totally sucks ass. It’s a self-own. Presumably, you’re a fan of the band if you’re buying their $25 shirt. Do you really want to walk around essentially saying “Yeah, they were awesome, last few albums were really awful, but maybe the next one will be good”?

It would be wrong not to mention the fire-breathing reindeer that Trump is…riding on? I think that’s what they’re going for but it looks like he’s either firmly behind it doing God-knows-what or they have melded together in an unholy amalgam. The Greeks didn’t have such twisted monsters in their tales. Either way, it’s nice that the artist included special counselor to the president and occasional spokes-ghoul Kellyanne Conway in the shirt.

Political shirts don’t always age well. This shirt was bad before it was even done printing.

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