Shirt Stains: Ugly Cannibal Corpse Sweatshirt

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I Cum Fashion

We’re right in the middle of holiday season and do you know what that means? Forced fun and interaction with other human beings. Gross, right? Instead of going into hibernation, society has deemed this the month of work events, holiday parties, and having meals with people you avoid 11 months out of the year. It sucks, man. Just give people bonuses and let them leave early.

To make things even worse, you have to dress nicely. Can you believe these monsters are making you wear “nice” clothes like sweaters, vests, and pants? The “ugly sweater” trend has somehow made things worse. At least wearing nice clothes makes you feel nice. Wearing ugly sweaters just makes you feel like a rube that spent money to look like the annoying character in a Hallmark Christmas movie. Luckily for you, here’s a special sweatshirt that will make you the hit of any holiday gettogether.

 

BBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

That’s right folks for just $17.37 (it’s on sale!) you too can get this wonderful (deep breath) “New Fashion Women/Men’s 3D Print CANNIBAL CORPSE Crewneck Sweatshirts Hara juku Styles Tops Long Sleeve Sweatshirts C01.” Did you get all that? Just rolls right off the tongue and out of a dusty warehouse cranking out knockoffs. Is it worth it to have something that will almost certainly be misprinted, fit awkwardly, and leave you susceptible to to identity theft?

Don’t let all that stop you from getting it. Wear it to the work party. Thrill your coworkers! Impress you boss! Let some holiday punch dribble from your mouth while you gurgle “Hammer Smashed Faaaaaaaace” before stage diving onto the prime rib carving station. You’re sure to get that big raise now after everyone sees your tribute to a bunch of Cannibal Corpse albums. Betty from accounting definitely won’t be reporting you to HR for it!

You’re really offending all the senses with this. Sight because, well, look at it. Smell because you know this thing stinks of toxic ink. Hearing because it is so loud and you probably have tinnitus. Taste, because you have none and if you lick it, you deserve whatever disease you contract. Touch, because you’re out of it. Chris Barnes would block you on Twitter for wearing this. I mean, he’d block you even if you weren’t wearing this, but the point still stands.

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