Sunday Sesh: Eat Shit And Die


Or, eat well and live… I guess.

Some of you may not know it, but the Toilet Ov Hell is a place for more than just music. Check that sidebar on the right and you’ll find a bunch of stuff other metal sites simply don’t offer. One of those sections you’ll notice is Cooking. Essentially since its inception, this humble bowl has had a series of excellent metalhead formulated recipes shared, tested and approved. The most recent of which, Vladimir Poutine’s Butternut Squash & Black Bean Bowel Bomb, has seen more Flushers than ever get on board to try their hand at making some quality shit to quell the growling beast within. Admittedly, not every meal is going to appeal to everyone, but if you can’t find something to try from the diverse collection of meals we’ve amassed already, you’re a shitdog. I’ve managed to make a few of these but plan on doing some more over the next month or two. Today, we’re going to feature some of these and see if we can get everyone started on making something new to munch on.

First on my list is Dubya’s South-Western Sweet Potato Burritos. How have I gone this long without trying the first recipe posted on the site you ask? Well, I kinda have tried it, albeit a bastardised form. You see, I’m a self-abasing carnivore and substituted a couple of things, rendering the dish more like the standard Mexican fare I’m accustomed to. Dubs has informed us that it is the combination of the sweet and savoury flavours that make this dish special, so this week I will endeavour to recreate a more authentic version of this meal. Besides, I love Mexican food in Summer so this is the perfect time to tick it off the list. So today I’m going to urge you all to get out and have a go at one (or more) of these metal as fuck meals. I’ll post a link to each recipe below, a few of which have already been replicated by fellow bowl dwellers with excellent results.

Dubya’s South-Western Sweet Potato Burritos


(Want that plate)

Guacamole Jim’s Pasta w/ Reduced Tomato Sauce


(Guac ended up moving house just so he didn’t have to clean his filthy stove. I would have done the same)

Link’s Venezuelan Melodic Merol Chicken ov Intestinal Destruction


(I’ve made this, can confirm it rules!)

Reptilian Pizza ov Hell


(Utter monstrosities)

Vlad’s Soba Noodles ov Doom


(Like ramen but good)

Vlad’s Pork Belly

finished chili

(Flame Pig)

Toilet ov Hell Dumplings à la Nihility


Cajun-Spiced Pork w/ Honey-Mustard Cabbage


(Crackling/Rind NOT optional)

Dubya’s Pumpkin Soup



Stan’s BBQ Brisket


(The blackest ov briskets)

Clash of the Hybrids: Pizza Burgers vs Burger Pizzas

Burger Pizzas

(Burger Pizzas)

Pizza Burgers

(Pizza Burgers)

Who wore it better?

Beezlebub’s Butternut Squash and Black Bean Bowel Bomb


So as you can see, there’s quite a range of shit you can try. Here are some of the reader attempts at the above meals –


Above: Way back when, I made Link’s Merol Chicken but can’t find the pic I posted anymore, also tried my claw at Satan’s BBQ Brisket with some extra vegetables to clear out the cupboard, it was most excellent!


Above: Last week Jimmy McNulty made Beezlebub’s Butternut Squash recipe, here’s what he had to say –

“I must say, it was a unique combination of flavors. None of the ingredients were so strong that they overpowered the rest, rather they were all mild(ish) and comfortably shared the spotlight with each other. The butternut squash cubes gave it the most “wow”, and the Guajillo chiles surprised us with a flavor none of us had tried before. The filling alone would have made for great burritos, but the red onion & cucumber salsa added a strange but welcome flair to it.
5/7 Empty Skulls of My Enemies, my friends and I loved it!”


Above: Boss The Ross gave it a shot too.

“Recipe courtesy of Vladimir Poutine, beer courtesy of New Belgium, tunes courtesy of Clutch, shirt courtesy of Unspeakable Axe Records”.

Above: Joaquin Stick got in on the action as well!

Above: Joaquin Stick got in on the squash action as well!

So are you fucking hungry yet? Of course you are. Pick one (or more) of these meals out today and give it a shot. You don’t need to be a super chef, they’re all easy to follow and don’t require anything that you can’t find in a basic-ass kitchen or supermarket. Make sure you report back and let us know how it went!

(Image via)

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