Too Scared to Attend Unite the Right? Try Asgardsrei 2018

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“I’m Only In It For The Riffs” Fest looks promising.

Last Sunday the nation’s capital hosted “Unite the Right 2”, the sequel to last year’s deadly Charlottesville rally that brought together racists from a variety of white supremacist factions to terrorize and intimidate a small Virginia community. The previous rally was attended by hundreds of Proud Boys, Oathkeepers, and various other fascist extremists. It resulted in a nazi intentionally driving a car through a crowd of antifascist protesters, murdering Heather Heyer and injuring dozens of others. This year’s Unite the Right was attended by almost two dozen Alt Right dorks. The reason for the sharp decline in white supremacist participation? Cowardice.

In the weeks and months after Charlottesville, Unite the Right attendees were doxxed and fired for their participation in racist violence. At other demonstrations white supremacist numbers were dwarfed by crowds of antifascist counter-protesters, drowning out their intimidation tactics and preventing another massacre.

Though the military, police, and all branches of government are rife with white supremacists, it’s getting harder and harder for a guy with swastika tattoos to attack people in your town square without risking some backlash. So what’s a poor nazi to do? Enter Asgardsrei 2018.

Sure, the United States has tons of hateful fascists but if you organize an NSBM festival you might get fired from your high paying lawyer gig. If really wanna get down with your National Socialist homies, make the long trip to Ukraine.

The country, which is historically a hotbed of antisemitism and pogroms, is experiencing another wave of right wing nationalist violence. Just last year thousands of Ukrainian nationalist marched to celebrate the birthday of Stepan Bandera, a long deceased nazi-aligned leader. In recent months, far right extremists have attacked LBGT events and even led a late-night attack against a Roma camp that left a man dead. So why not throw an NSBM festival there?

The festival will feature performances by stalwart nazi acts like Absurd, Goatmoon, and Der Sturmer, alongside upcoming nazi talent like Wehrwolf, Baise Ma Hache, and Sunwheel. (Insert your own “IT’S JUST A SUNWHEEL” joke here). Curiously enough, Nokturnal Mortum is headlining one night of this nazi fest, despite Knjaz Varggoth claiming as recently as 2014 that the band is no longer associated with NSBM. I, for one, am shocked that a nazi would lie about his beliefs when it would be economically convenient for him to do so.

What kind of activities can you participate in at Asgardsrei 2018? In addition to drinking, shooting meth, and open mouth kissing photos of Hitler with your fellow Jew-hating NSBM fans, you can network with right wing terrorists. M8l8th, a fascist militia recruiting organization disguised as just the shittiest fuckin’ black metal band on Earth, will be at the fest to give angry young men access to weapons and targets.

Despite cable news best efforts to demonize resistance to right wing extremism, American nazis are slowly losing steam. But don’t lose hope, neckbeards. There will always be large groups of weak-minded cowards that need to blame their shitty fuckin’ lives on another person’s skin color or sexuality. Feel free to go hang out with them at Asgardsrei 2018.

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