Tornado – Global Pandemic: A Video Breakdown

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This one seems a bit, uh, misguided.

I’ll forgive you if you’re not already familiar with Tornado. Lord know that I had never heard of them before 365 Days of Horror dropped this sack of crap in my lap. Formed in 2007, this Finnish crew describes themselves as “sleazy thrash”. I wonder what kinda logo a sleazy thrash band would use?

Sure, that anthropomorphic tornado has a face born from the deepest pits of hell but no one can argue that his lil white gloves are adorable.

Tornado features “Superstar Joey Severance” on vocals. Considering that Joey always seems to be wearing a championship belt, I think there’s supposed to be some kind of wrestling angle with Tornado but it’s never really explored anywhere in the band’s online footprint. He also paints himself up like a skeleton sometimes. In effect, Tornado is fronted by a skeleton wrestler with extremely confusing ideas about improving race relations.

Recently, the band dropped a video for “Global Pandemic” the single for their upcoming album Commitment to Excellence. For a brief moment the video was pulled from YouTube for containing “hate speech”. I wonder why that happened? Let’s just look at the lyrics to the pre-chorus on this track:

“Fuck you Muslim and fuck you Jew!
Fuck you nigger and fuck you too!
Fuck you cracker and fuck you fag!
Shove this world right up your ass!”

Well… That certainly seems pretty, uh, problematic. Let’s see what the band has to say about it.

“Anyone who follows this band already know that we don’t support ANY kind of hate. The lyrics reflect the world we live in. I (Superstar Joey Severance) make a conscious effort to write my lyrics as clear and to the point as possible so I don’t have to explain them. I won’t now! You are smart, figure it out!”

Oh, OK. So the band is trying to make a statement about the futility of bigotry but they’re dumber than fuck. Got it. Let’s watch this stupid, stupid Centrist anthem.

AH FUCIKKKK IT’S A SKELETON, I JUST PISSED MY PANTS. TOO SPOOKY.

The grim specter of death watches from the background of your every move – even as you shred some sweet riffage.

I showed this gif to my bald co-editor. He let loose a torrent of jealous profanity that cannot be reprinted here.

“How could the lyrics to this track possibly be misconstrued?! Anyways, fuck you Musl-”

This track is so stanky that the drummer has to cover his nose.

Tornado’s Commitment to Excellence drops on August 31st. Catch the band on tour with Six Feet Under cuz lol

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