Dictated – This Is To All: A Video Breakdown


Prepare thyselves for the chuggity chugs.

Metal Blade Records have managed to consistently put out good records during their career. They’ve stayed pretty true to metal, unlike *ahem* certain other labels. Sure they’re not all hits, but their roster is still pretty impressive. That’s why it’s always interesting to see when the label signs an unknown. When you have bands like Amon Amarth, Behemoth, King Diamond, Cannibal Corpse, and Bolt Thrower, you’re not going to just sign any old band. After all, Metal Blade is the former home of the Goo Goo Dolls. I’ve never heard of Dictated before. They must be great, right? RIGHT?! Let’s take a look at Dictated’s video for “This Is To All”.

0:06: They need to work on their power stances.
0:10: Lead Singer: 2006 Man
0:19: His “Blow Chunks” face is on point.
0:21: Oh, come on! That wasn’t even close to being synched.
0:26: Two more piercings and the fifth is free at Piercing Pagoda in the mall.
0:30: I know I shouldn’t talk about looks, but that bald chick is really fugly.
0:35: You looked at the circle! That’s two punches!
0:45: Can we take a step back? I can practically smell the onions he ate for lunch.
0:50: So we’ve got two bald dudes and two brunette ladies in the band. Someone is the odd bro out.
0:58: Does he not know the words to the song?
1:07: Is he not really the singer? Did they just pull someone off the street?
1:15: Maybe he just owns the shed they’re shooting in.
1:22: “Ok, guys we have to be done by 3 so my dad can finish my soapbox racer.”
1:25: Unexpected butt shot!
1:31: I guess they didn’t have enough in the bounce budget to actually bounce.
1:41: The sway in place budget was plentiful, though.
1:46: This is a love song, right?
1:50: There’s the bounce we were looking for. More like Bouncetated, amirite?
2:02: Metal Blade: Now with chuggity chugs.
2:10: Is he getting winded in the video? Why the hell can’t he keep the mic in front of his mouth?
2:14: A puppy sneezing is more violent than that punch.
2:26: Steady-cams are not brutal enough for Dictated.
2:30: Who wants to start a band called “Cocktated”?
2:35: No one? Okay, fine. Jerks.
2:45: Unexpected butt shot!
2:51: There’s a surprising lack of terrible sleeve and throat tattoos in this band. Good for them.
2:57: I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume that the band has been glued to the floor this entire time.
3:01: That might explain the weak punches. It’s all in the legs.

So there’s Dictated. Have your dicks been officially tated? Looking at the Up vote-versus-Down vote ratio on the video, it sounds like there have been a good amount of dicks insufficiently tated. Please consult a doctor if the tating lasts more than four hours.

Dictated’s album “The Deceived” is out now via Metal Blade Records.

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