Seditionist and Iced Earth guitarist Jon Schaffer has slowing been emerging from his hidey-hole over the past few years following his jailing for trying to overthrow the government for a braindead narcissist serial liar billionaire that doesn’t even know Schaffer exists. He has since found Jesus for whatever that is worth and not much else because he doesn’t sound too remorseful. Sure seems like he’s still the same old dumb shit that got him into this mess in the first place.

While it still remains to be seen if Schaffer’s main band Iced Earth ever makes a full return, it appears that his now-pardoned insurrectionist militia buddies (probably) won’t merc him anymore after diming them out to get a lighter sentence. That’s enough for Schaffer to dip his red, white, and blue balls back into the music business with his gun-kissing, flag-humping, conspiracy-sucking side project, Sons Of Liberty. He’s not alone, though, because he needs YOUR help!

That’s right. You, yes you, can now create an entire music video for the often-ignored side band of a 58 year-old man that loves freedom and liberty and Constitution. But only the parts that work specifically for him. Don’t forget that. Is it new music from Sons of Liberty? Oh, no no no. Just reimaged old stuff with new drumming. Wowie zowie! You can put your blood, sweat, and eagle-tears into making a visual masterpiece that will gather dozens of views on Youtube. Or more likely Rumble.

What do you get for all your free labor hard work? Fair compensation? Haha, get out of my freedom bunker, you fucking Lib Commie. You get ExClUsIvE oFfIcIaL MeRcHaNdIsE. Whoopity fucking doo. Here’s some t-shirts and stickers that have been rotting in a dusty box. That’s if you win. Who knows what the Second Runner-Up gets. Maybe a Don’t Tread Of Me belt buckle or one of those doomsday survival buckets they sell on late-night informercials and a sweaty Gadsden flag bandana.

All you have to do is all create an entire music video and then Jon will sit at his computer, pause his Nick Fuentes video, close out all the Newsmax and OAN tabs, and go “I dunno, this one’s cool. It has guns and shit.” Then you have to put all the links he wants into the video description so he can make more money off you. After that, follow Sons of Liberty on streaming platforms so you can artificially inflate their numbers. After all of that, then you have to bother 3 other people by tagging them on the Sons of Liberty Facebook page.

Of course the winner will be announced on the 4th of July. How predictable. Imagine getting that message on your phone at the family barbecue. The pride on the faces of your parents. The roar of the crowd. The sizzling smell of hot dogs and gas station sparklers wafting in the air as you consume your 10th Bud Light Chelada. It’s what Trump would want on our Independence Day if he wasn’t sundowning at at some gaudy golf course.

I am comforted knowing people in the comments are giving Schaffer shit for this. It’s well deserved.

Now, I’m not telling you to make the silliest, goofiest, most ridiculous videos you can and submit them. That would be up to you. Don’t send him a video of a bunch of butts with his face pasted between the cheeks. It would be wrong to waste Jon Schaffer’s time by sending videos of childish memes. Whatever you do, don’t set his music to videos of smiling Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Definitely don’t do any of that.