Darkness – Tinkerbell Must Die: A Video Breakdown


I believe in a thing call copyright infringement.

No, The Darkness did not cut out the ‘The’ in their name in an effort to sound edgier or, um, darker. This Darkness (there’s a lot of them) is a thrash band from Germany and… wait, there are two thrash bands from Germany named Darkness? Ach du lieber! This is the original one from the 80’s for those of you keeping score or digging through your vinyl collection. The band hasn’t released a new album since 1989, so may this video be an introduction for those that do not know them. And no, I have no idea what they have against Tinkerbell or why she must die.

0:05: I can name that tune in 3 notes.
0:09: If 3rd Bass comes out, this video is a win.
0:14: Put Harambe on vocals and they can change their name to Dankness.
0:26: That’s the sound Donald Trump’s penis makes when he sees Ivanka.
0:33: What shape is that guitar supposed to be in? Piece Of Cheese With A Bite Taken Out Of It?
0:41: Did someone smear the camera lens with Vaseline?
0:48: Chet from AutoZone on the drums.
0:52: Crotch!
0:58: I wonder which of the Big 4 Tinkerbell likes the most.
1:01: I fear that jerking off motion with the microphone is a bad omen.
1:07: Well, if that’s your attitude, I should just turn this video off right now, mister!
1:15: “I’ve got eyes and ears.” Good for you!
1:17: “I have got the brain.” Ehhhh, that remains to be seen.
1:24: That accent is thicker than the thighs at Oktoberfest.
1:27: She’ll never get her deposit back for that book.
1:33: Oh look. She is filled with food coloring.
1:42: “Hooked On Phonics worked for meAAAAARRGGGHHHH!”
1:49: Sooooo when does Tinkerbell show up?
1:58: And why must she die?
2:04: Like, can’t we talk about this first?
2:07: Seems like a pretty harsh conclusion. Maybe take Mr. Smee first?
2:19: Remind me never to read this book.
2:24: Or any other book for that matter.
2:28: You can never be too safe.
2:40: The writing process of Ann Coulter.
2:49: “No, I’ve never seen The Exorcist. Why do you ask?”
2:59: Whoa, dude. Personal space!
3:02: Are you guys going to help her or….
3:13: I felt the same way when I tried to read the synopsis for Atlas Shrugged.
3:20: We’re not getting a cameo by Peter Pan, are we?
3:25: I get that look when I see that Doritos are Buy One, Get One Free.
3:29: Spoopy!
3:38: Gasp! The blood was inside her all along!
3:42: She just needed to believe in herself!
3:51: Man, there’s no Wendy, no John, no Peter.
3:57: There’s not even an appearance by Tiger Lily.
4:03: Actually, that’s probably a good thing.
4:11: The biggest crime, though, is not including Nana.
4:20: First start to the right and straight on to what the hell was this video about?

Darkness’s new album The Gasoline Solution is out on October 7th via Holy Roller Records.

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