Riff Of The Week: Anatomy Edition


This week’s competition is brought to you by Morphology™ – “You’re born with it!”.

Last week your riffs had big ol’ Royal Rumble during our 1st minute of the 2nd track of a band’s 3rd album competition, and as expected, nearly 45% of you tapped out of making a tough decision, retired to your well-worn couch trench, and voted for safety.
Congrat-*vociferous yawning*-ulations.

This week we wanted riffs from tracks that featured a body part in their title. You sent us hearts, brains, limbs, eyes, lips, hands, teeth, and assorted genitalia. The inbox resembled a goddamn crime scene. You know, like that one in that movie. Nah, not that one, the one with that other guy. What’s his name again? There’s blood. The cops turn up and try and work out who did it and the evidence makes it seem like it’s that weird shopkeeper. The one who has the glass eye from that fishing accident but he probably just made that story up because the kid who’s always riding that bike looked over his fence one night and saw him in his shed with a shovel. But later you find out that he was only burying his part-time seeing eye dog so the kid feels sorry for him and ends up teaming up with him to find the real killer before that arsehole local cop who’s always hassling the bike kid so he has an excuse to try talk to his mum and coerce her into “having a coffee and discussing Ryan’s future” puts the innocent shopkeeper away for life. The twist where you find the shopkeeper was actually a ghost and the cop was the murderer was pretty cool. Kinda like in that movie Titanic. Man, James Cameron is so fucking good. Anyway, make sure you use the PROMO CODE SPONGE after voting to receive an extra 12.5% seminal fluid in your next orgasm.


Nevermore – “Dead Heart In A Dead World”

Loomis is love.  Loomis is life.  One of Nevermore’s underappreciated gems, the whole tune is a great Jeff Loomis showcase, but I would particularly single out the time change at 2:12 that brings in intermittent chugging before flowing back into the main riff.  It reappears around 3:22 to bring it all together.  Groovy stuff.

Jack Bauer

Aborted – “Nailed Through Her Cunt”

The riff that starts out this song is one of my favorite riffs to this day. It’s a simple riff yes, but it gets me pumped the fuck up.

Ted Nu-Djent

Accept – “Balls To The Wall”

Testicles can cause great pleasure, tremendous pain and also has the ability to over rule the brain in any decision making process. I guess the opening riff has the ability to do the same. For me, it gives me a nice tingly sensation in my testicles. Cheers.


Annihilator – “Imperial Eyes”

Manny O War’s #DesertIslandThrashMetal challenge had me digging into my admittedly limited Thrash collection for 5 Desert Island discs I most definitely couldn’t go without. Annihilator’s “Never, Neverland” was the easiest to come up with, so I made it a totally completely Canadian Content list after that. And tigeraid’s Annihilator riff this (last?) week just added extra rocket fuel to the decision to continue that theme into the ROTW.  Basically the whole intro from “Imperiled Eyes” could get a nod, but 00:36 seals it.

FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper

Enter Shikari – “Warm Smiles Do Not Make You Welcome Here”

Do smiles count as a body part? Screw it, I’m submitting it anyway. Now, I’ve gone on record as being the only person on this site who likes this band (under a former name), but from 3:00, shit gets real. Move everything out of the way when you play this, cause there will be damage to personal belongings.


‘Til Tuesday – “Looking Over My Shoulder”

Riff starts @0:11. A nice catchy clean guitar riff with plenty of 80’s reverb that… wait, was it supposed to be a metal riff? Well… ‘Til Tuesday are pretty metal, I mean… Al Jourgensen originally wanted frontwoman Aimee Mann for the bass position in Ministry; granted, they were a synthpop band at the time… And also… Hold on, let me think… Oh, yeah! she has her own entry in the Encyclopaedia Metallum… And there are a million other reasons, but I left them in my car; I’ll go get them *turns engine on and drives away*


Revocation – “Spurn The Outstretched Hand”

There’s a whole lot of anatomy-themed riffage out there, but this was one of the first ones to come to mind, and the riff at 0:41 proceeded to get stuck in my head for days.  It’s that lovely brand of deathy thrash that the Revocation boys do so well, with tight guitars, pounding drums, and some thunderous bass work.  That outstretched hand never stood a chance.

Howard Dean

Dead Congregation – “Teeth Into Red”

This riff needs very little introduction–just listen and worship. Press play at 8:43 and prostrate thyself before Teeth Into Red’s masterful outro. Prepare the Graves; this is TOTAL DEATH.


Artificial Brain – “Brain Transplant”

If you listen to this riff your life will not end well. If you vote for it your pets will turn on you. But if you don’t listen to it, you’ll wonder up until your last breath what in the fuck it sounded like. Unless you already know. In which case, call the police? 1:35. (Yeah, submitting this riff at a time like this is a dick move; a dick move in a life brimming with dick moves. F it. You barely live once.)

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Next week, we’re getting funereal. I had to work in a cemetery all day Wednesday and subsequently crave the grave. Send in your mortuary themed riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com with your screen-name, a link to the track, and a short description (which includes a time-stamp of the riff) before Friday. 

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