Riff of the Week: Guilty Pleasures / 7-23-16
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick.
Fellow dorks. Hello again. The Masterlord may be dead, but every seven days he doth rise again to compile the weekly incarnation of his greatest idea and the toilet’s oldest tradition — Riff of the Week — before falling back into his grave.
Last week, Lacertilian got like 20-something fucking votes. I’d call foul play, but I know the lizard to be a sportsman absolutely honest in all his dealings. Plus his riff was tight.
Next week just send me a riff. It’s late and I’m too tired to think of a fancy theme. Send me any riff. Send it to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff, and an explanation. If you have an idea for a theme, let me know.
Now onto the debilitating guilt.
Masterlord
“Post” black metal is lame and for poser hipsters who should all be killed and this riff DOES NOT make me almost cry. 0:00.
Joe
This total banger of a track featuring Dubya’s favorite rapper, Pitbull (dalé!), opens with a harmonica riff that would count as a guilty pleasure if I felt guilty about liking this song. Which I don’t.
Gorak
GORAK NOT KNOW WHY COME GUILTY PLEASURE??? BODOM ROCKS!!!! NO GUILT!!! JUST RIFFS!!!! BAD ASS RIFF ME NO GUILT FOR @ 0:35 !!!
Tertius Decimus
This isn’t even a jee-jee-jee (aping distorted guitar sound), but this clip is so lolbuttz that nothing could be more embarrasing than liking it for no particular reason. Oh, wait! Reasons to search by tags: #asian, #japan, #japanese schoolgirls, #upskirt, #mass orgy, #gangbang — you may count on. The band, actually, features 48 members, more than Haggard or Therion with the orchestra on their early-00s tours. Watch full clip for best lolbuttz experience or just click at 1:14. Bass groove, yay!
Brock Samson
The riff that starts at 0:25 was one of my gateways into heavier bands which is why I will always love it.
Old Man Doom
Rob Zombie has perfected his formula for releasing albums that are equal parts cringey and dull over the past few years. However, this song is a small dose of authentic sounding punk rock fury that gives me the sinister urge once again. It’s fun, dirty, and violent.
Dr. Derelict
Metalcore. 2002. Single note opening riff to a debut album. Still gets me pumped.
KJU
Easily the most cornball song from one of synthpop’s finest, but bouncy and enjoyable nonetheless. Riff starts at 1:39, and the guys are getting pumped when it starts.
Waynecro
I’m a little embarrassed by how insanely fucking pumped the riff at 0:15 gets me whenever I hear this absurdly positive, life-loving song. Stan Bush’s lyrics are my life coach. Psychiatrists should prescribe Stan Bush songs instead of antidepressants. Whenever I feel like injecting too much insulin so I never wake up, I just remember that Stan Bush believes in me.
Ted Nü-Djent
Unseen is not only a guilty pleasure of mine, it’s also one of my favourite albums from The Haunted. Fite me. Intro riff which returns in the chorus at 1.04 , 2.13 and 3.14.
Hans Müller
I’d say that liking a new-ish Metallica song is not something most folks here would readily admit to. Riff starts at 1:28, shortly after some bum yelling, “One two!” which always makes me smirk. Bask in the LOUDNESS.
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