Riff ov the Week: 2-20-16


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Why must we stray from god’s light?

Welcome back, my friends. Apologies for the mishap last week, but we’re here again to listen to riffs and vote and shitpost and whatnot – our longstanding and most cherished Saturday tradition.

By binding royal ex-presidential decree, W. has declared next week Glam Metal Riff ov the Week. Why? Because he is a bad, bad man who hates us.

Send your glam riffs to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff and a good explanation for what the fuck you’ve done.

Let today’s riffing commence.



Welcome My Last Chapter is an overlooked melodic black metal classic, on par with The Somberlain — believe it. It doesn’t get much more mournfully mystic than the riff that kicks the album off. Press play and let it run.



You can pick anything from this album and get a riff capable of ripping faces off, but 1:27 is cool.


Old Man Doom

The outro riff that starts at 9:17 is the perfect example of what I love best about Enslaved: a bluesy, Pink Floydian lead over a blackened, spacey chord progression. The last few minutes of this song make me want to journey wide and infinitely across space, discovering the mystery of the runes myself and never returning to this cursed earth.


Jack Bauer

The riff that starts at 1:05 is currently my favorite fucking riff. It’s a good riff that riffs wonderfully as all riffs should do in order to be qualified as a good riff. Riff.


Dr. Derelict

Of course you should listen to the whole song, but the main riff really heats up at around 1:49.






You know what? Fuck all this contemplative, technical elaborate shit [#SpayTech™ — Masterlord]. Shove a pack of smokes in your rolled up t-shirt sleeve, roll the window down in your ’94 Toyota Corolla, crank this shit up and HAMMER THE FUCK DOWN. Riff is the whole song, obv.


Bob Loblaw

This was my first exposure to Enslaved, on a Necropolis compilation disc (in addition to Impaled, Rotten Sound, In Aeturnum, etc). Its chock full o’ riffage but around 2:15 is where it gets nasty. Enjoy.


Ted Nü-Djent

Megadave can still riff with the best of them when he wants to and from about 2.29-3.15 is just one example off Dystopia. After the lackluster 13 and the absolutely terrible Super Collider I was not expecting much from Megadeth this time around but I gotta say that this album has been on heavy rotation in the house of Nuge. Non Megadeth fans will most likely continue to give no fucks and make the same tired old Megadeth jokes and that’s fine. Me? I’ll continue to listen, content in the fact that Old Yeller ain’t ready to be taken out the back just yet.



Submit your life at 1:19.



The riff that begins at 1:48 is pretty groovy. At 2:03, the riff starts crushing a little harder. At 2:19, the riff blows up as J. R. Hayes screams like a madman and the drums start blasting. This musical explosion creates a massive shock wave capable of pulverizing all genitals in the vicinity.


Nordling Rites ov Karhu

The riff goes on from the beginning, but as the drums kick in at around 0:20 it sounds even better. It’s the kind of a riff I’d trade my mother for, if I hadn’t done for a lesser riff.



Going against my spate of plugging something recent, I’m going back to the 90’s to pull out an old Dismember track from their Misanthropic EP that’s been kicking my arse the last couple of weeks. Here, the Swedes slow things down for a change and subdue their melodic-side to bring forth a punishing good ol-fashioned no-frills beasting. Starts at 0:00.


Boss the Ross

Havukruunu’s 2015 effort entitled Havulinnaan is one hell of a ripping album. And the riffs, the RIFFS kill! Whether its the hard thrashers or the ambient ones they satisfy all of my needs. My pick this week comes from the album’s closer, Unian Havulinnaan. The track starts off nice and at 3:28 starts to intermingle some fast and slow riffs and to double, nay, triple the excellence, the band opts for some throat singing. Right now, I don’t know how they could make it any better. Then 4:18 hits, and it hits hard. A mid paced riff that will snap your neck in two. And they give it to us for a full 40 seconds! And then a gnarly guitar solo and a melodic acoustic outro help to bring this song and album to an amazing close.


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