Riff ov the Week: The 800th Post Extravaganza – Suck It Haters Edition


Hello again. It’s been quite a while since we proclaimed Saturday the Riff Sabbath and started gathering for weekly worship services. I hope that we’ve been able to facilitate a strong and lasting relationship with the almighty riff, the One Source of true fulfillment and happiness. Become one with these riffs on this holy day. Bow your head, then lift it back up, then bow it again, then lift it back up again. Do that over and over really fast.

Last week, I teamed up with Tyree‘s triumphant Scab to dominate the competition for riff of the actual week. As per usual, Joe followed behind in second place. Always the bridesmaid, never not a fucking loser.


Next week:

  • We’re spicing it up a little bit. I will only be accepting gallopy galloping gallop riffs. If you do not know what a gallop is, ask your neighbor. While you’re at it, have him slap all the poser out of you.
  • Send your gallop riff to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com.
  • Include your Disqus handle, a link to the song, the time the riff starts, and an explanation.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, let me know.
  • As always, Schubert be with you.



4:24 of Nocturnal Graves‘ “Aggressive Exterminator” is for when you want to transform into a 2-story tall satan, pull a cross from a random steeple, and use it to baseball-bat innocents into outer space.



This opening riff announces, “Hi, I’m the buttmaster, here to collect my toll.”


Howard Dean

Knock, knock, motherfuckers! I come bearing gifts of riffs and tidings of sulphuric dread! If I could bottle my love for this band and market it as apple cider vinegar, well, I tell you what–you’d want to splash it on your freedom fried potatoes! Katharsis not only write killer black metal riffs, but in the delicate art of the “repeating, building, trance-like black metal riff,” they are the undisputed Kaisers. Exhibit A: “VVytchdance” from 2006’s monumental VVorld VVithout End. If this doesn’t get your cock (or clit) hard and make you headbang uncontrollably, you are a fucking lifelover and your family probably hates you. 4:28.


Hotdog Clifford

Awesome melodeath riff from an awesome melodeath album by an awesome melodeath band. It starts from the very beginning.



0:35 – 1:40. As far as this riff is concerned, it’s one of my favorites that I’ve heard in the past few months. What it lacks in ferocious head vs. brick wall punch, it more than makes up for with the impact right in the feels.


Formerly Known as Oli Sykes

Due to the overworking I’ve had to do for college this week, I’ve been relying on my phone for badass riffing, and this song in particular has been coming up a lot recently. There is really only one riff in the whole song, but that riff is one of Jerry Cantrell’s masterpieces. The new Muse song does have a cool riff (No, its not from Pussy Liquor, Muse did it first), but this was just too badass to not mention.



No other riff makes me more pumped up or ready ready for anything. May not be the heaviest riff out there, but boy is it fun for every occasion. The riff goes repeats throughout the song, but is first and best at 0:35.



Because I am bored and this was one of the songs that got me into black metal again.



I’m in a weird, bad mood, and this week was very Alice in Chains for me. So, I want to share this bass/guitar riff 0:26 and how Jerry Cantrell looks like Carol from TWD and how cool DuVall is.



Not much to say here, I’ll just let the first guitar riff in Coroner’s “Metamorphosis” (0:16) do the talking.



Opening riff just makes me want to head bang till I tear my head off, as it should for you.



This whole album is loaded incredible chilling riffs, but the riff at 9:40 just fucking makes the hair on my arms stand up and makes me want to die in coldness. Goddamn masterpiece!



There has always been an acceptable level of Gorguts worship here, with one problem. For all the drooling over Obscura and Colored Sands (and rightly so), people seem to forget thier first two albums. I think Considered Dead might be THE most underrated death metal album ever. I present to you my favorite riff in the bands entire catalog. 1:42 -2:17.


Dead Butt Dreaming

My riff of the week is something from the best metal band out of Colorado not called Primitive Man. Everyone gets caught up with the album opening punch in the face, but the follow up track has a riff that I blare in my head as I ride my bike through your LARP and punch everyone of you poser power metallers in the fucking throat. Hail whiskey. Hail gasoline. Hail nihilism.

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